A Guy Sniped A Robber Running Away From Police With His Shopping Cart In A Wal Mart Parking Lot And He Deserves An Invite To The NFL Combine

Clem2/12/2020 7:57 PM

Blogger's Note: Since it's the NFL offseason, we are honored to have special guest Jon Gruden breakdown this shopping cart throwing hero's pro prospects

I'll tell you what, man. I love this guy with the shopping cart. Talk about someone who has all the skills you need to succeed as a quarterback in the National Football League by displaying what I call the three A's of quarterbacking.

First up, you have Awareness. This guy clearly heard some sort of a commotion in the distance and his Spidey Senses started tingling. Yeah being in any Wal Mart full of the typical collection of weirdos causes any normal human to be on heightened alert. But this Pedestrian Peter Parker could tell Johnny Law needed some help, which GI Joe told us knowing is half the battle.

Next is Accuracy. Hitting a target being covered by someone running a 4.3 40 may be tough. But I'd rather have to hit a moving target on the move with an oblong pigskins than a 4-wheeled shopping cart. I turned Rich Gannon into an MVP and Brad Johnson into a Super Bowl champion with a football. But trying to find a shopping cart with four functioning wheels that can travel in a path with less curves than Spider 2 Y Banana is damn near impossible.

And finally we have Anticipation. A masked man dressed in all black running from the cops at full speed is not exactly the easiest person to predict. Trust me, I had more than my fair share of those confrontations the last few years in Oakland.

*Flashes classic Gruden cheeky look after making a self-depricating joke*

But my guy is able to account for the Run Away From The Cops Speed of his target as well as the weight of his weaponized chariot on the fly like only a handful of people on the entire planet can do.

Put the three A's together and what do you get? That's right. Touchdown.

I’ll take a guy with the three A’s of a QB and the selflessness to throw what he just bought from Wal Mart simply to stop crime from taking place in his community. Like I literally want to draft this guy because I think I am done with that Carr fella and I don’t know what type of characters will be coming after me in Las Vegas if he drop below .500.