Embrace Debate: Ranking All The Courses In Mario Kart 64 To Celebrate The Anniversary Of Its Release In The US

Reags2/10/2020 4:10 PM

One of the most important days of our lives happened 23 years ago when Mario Kart 64 was released to North America on Feb. 10, 1997. It still is one of the greatest games of all time and if you're lucky enough to have an N64 still, you should be playing this weekly at a minimum.

It's no secret we're huge Mario Kart fans here at Barstool - that's what happens when you have a bunch of us in our mid-30s working. We remember the good days of blowing the cartridge to get it to work and how awesome the graphics were on N64.

If there's one game everyone agrees on it's Mario Kart 64. Fuck that SNES nonsense, it's all about Mario Kart 64. It's on everyone's favorite games list but now it's time to argue. It's time to argue about the order of the 16 courses on the game. Everyone has a favorite. Everyone has a go-to when you're the reigning winner and get to pick what track you're on next.

So without further ado, here is my list of the 16 courses. I'm sure you think I'm wrong, so let me know what is off.

16. Banshee Boardwalk

Does anyone actually like Banshee Boardwalk? This one absolutely sucks. I'm very much a no need of true gimmicks when it comes to racing on Mario Kart 64. I don't need the no lighting, Boo appearing and laughing. No thank you with this one.

15. Choco Mountain

Speaking of garbage tracks. I debated putting Choco Mountain at 16, another one that in my short poll seems like a consensus of hatred. This course is annoying because if you have the slightest clip of the edge you just spin out and get pissed.

14. Sherbert Land

Those goddamn penguins! There are very few things more annoying than when you think you're cooking with gas on the course and drill a penguin to take you out. Just immediately fall from 1 to 6 like nothing. I do like the concept that you can jump or go around the cracks on the ice, but just a bottom pick for me.

13. Yoshi Valley

This legit might be the toughest track on the game. You have to deal with porcupines, you have to deal with sliding all over the place, you have to deal with the giant Yoshi egg. This is one of the tracks where you really have to be careful with how you're driving - a different feel on Mario Kart 64.

12. Frappe Snowland

A fine track, sure. It's just more annoying than anything else with the sliding on the ice and that stuff. It's not the worst, but we're not in good territory just yet with the tracks. Similar to Choco Mountain the biggest negative is just how much you spin out if you slightly clip the edge.

11. Luigi Raceway

Now we start getting into the good tracks. Luigi Raceway is just your basic Nascar style track and you can really just race. There's no real gameplay to this in terms of strategy which is what I like. Just go out there and race. See if you hit people with some shells, time up the mushrooms correctly and determine the winner. Great first race track.

10. Toad's Turnpike

One of the better tracks in terms of having to combine skill and strategy. You have to avoid the trucks and cars. You have to get to the left side to hit the boxes. Obviously it's the first track on the Flower Cup, but also feels like the first time you're really challenged to make some decisions and having to weave in and out.

9. Mario Raceway

A great stepup from Luigi Raceway. You still have the somewhat Nascar feel and it's 'true' racing. But you have a longer track with more turns added. You have danger on the sides where you can hit a mushroom and spin out. I do really love this track and debated putting it higher but it's tough.

8. DK's Jungle Parkway

The start of the Special Cup and you can debate this or Rainbow Road for the best one in that group. You gotta be careful hugging the left side with no rail, which is something I like on this track. There is strategy to try and knock people out. Also love having the jump involved here. Can 100% fuck people with the lightning bolt or bananas there.

7. Rainbow Road

Nothing to really say about Rainbow Road. Feel like people love it, hate it or just think it's okay. That's where it falls in the middle for me.

6. Royal Raceway

Drift course baby. You gotta get around those sharp turns with Peach's castle in the background. A real racing track if you ask me. You add in the bridge and the jump - any course with a jump gets a bump in my book. I always love watching people try and turn into the castle thinking there's a shortcut too.

5. Bowser's Castle

We're now reaching great portion of tracks. I'm such a huge fan of Bowser's Castle. You have to avoid the blocks. You have to have some strategy in how you attack the course. You have lava possibly attacking you from the side. Good mix of easy turns with some sharp turns needing to drift. Love the bridge where you can fall off as a wrinkle here.

4. Moo Moo Farm

Again, I said it before but I'm a fan of just straight up racing. That's why Moo Moo Farm and some of the 'basic' courses are high for me. Give me the ability to race, the little wrinkle of animals popping up. It's long enough to be intriguing and short enough to really race on.

3. Kalimari Desert

Perfect course to end Mushroom Cup. You have to potentially deal with the train crossing and can get hit by it or have to wait. It's not too hard of a wrinkle, but it's something. Can also spin out hitting a cactus. I do love the length of this race too. Think it's the perfect amount early on.

2. Koopa Troopa Beach

This might be a consensus that everyone likes. You have the shortcut which doesn't kill you if you miss and doesn't guarantee a win if you hit it on one of the laps. You have the jumps. You have the ability to get a little bit in the water. This might be high on everyone's list just because of the layout.

1. Wario Stadium

Finally the winner here. A little longer race so you can make some moves. You have jumps to deal with and some turns you have to handle correctly. There's also the shortcut. I'm a big fan of no shortcut on this track because you can finish the race in like 11 seconds then. You better be ready to drift here too with some of the turns. There's also nothing better than completely fucking someone with the jump as you hit them with a bolt or shell.

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