Adam Sandler Promised To "Fucking Come Back And Make A Movie So Bad On Purpose" If He Got Snubbed At The Oscars For Uncut Gems
Rewind to December...
...during a December interview with Howard Stern, Sandler, 53, promised to make a real stinker of a movie if he didn’t win an Oscar for his dramatic turn in “Uncut Gems.”
“If I don’t get it, I’m going to f–king come back and do one again that is so bad on purpose just to make you all pay. That’s how I get them,” he said.
Prepare the rotten tomatoes because Sandler, who wowed audiences and critics with his portrayal of a hustling jeweler with a sports gambling problem, never even became a contender. He was completely snubbed for a nomination. [NYP]
Fast-forward back to today...
Everybody get your popcorn ready for the worst fucking movie of all time!
You thought Grown Ups 2 was bad? You hated Jack and Jill? You thought Murder Mystery was lazy? You thought Sandy Wexler was annoying? You thought The Cobbler was a laughable joke?
You may need to find a Safe Space that doesn't have any movie theaters or Netflix subscriptions for the foreseeable future.
Of course, there is another option…
There is another script on Sandler's desk, probably unread right now, gathering dust…a script with a lot of promise, a lot of heart and soul, a lot of grit…a script that has a verbal agreement that was probably forgotten by the Sandler team but was recorded by Barstool Sports as proof….
Mr. Commenter: Since Kevin is getting into the film industry, I’ve got a lucrative opportunity for you, and a prestigious opportunity if we’re being honest. With the names we have attached, we could really do something. It’s a movie, if you’d like to star in it, produce it, act in it.
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Adam Sandler: Let me handle this.
Mr. Commenter: It’s for Kevin, not for you. It’s called Boner Dogs.
Adam Sandler: So far, so good.
Mr. Commenter: ADAM!
Adam Sandler: I’m on your side.
Mr. Cat: Boner. Dogs. Dogs have boners.
Kevin Garnett: Growing pains boner?
Mr. Commenter: Adam, if I have a movie to pitch to you I’ll do it, but I’m talking to Kevin. This is his opportunity.
Kevin Garnett: Boner Dogs?
Mr. Commenter: So, it’s about a team of sled dogs, they make fun of the one who’s not really allowed to be the sled dog because he’s always got a boner.
(Adam Sandler laughing in background)
Mr. Commenter: You like it, Adam?
Adam Sandler: So far it’s good, yeah.
Mr. Commenter: And all the other dogs, they don’t have boners, but one does. It’s kind of like a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer thing.
Adam Sandler: I’m laughing in a great way!
Mr. Cat: You’re nailing this pitch, PFT.
Mr. Commenter: OK, so they bring in this dog that has the boner, and he’s actually the one that saves the day at the end, because they got lost in the woods, but his boner drags through the snow. So Kevin, the people we have loosely attached, and this is all true, we’ve talked to all these people. We have David Spade, Jimmy Tatro, Lawrence Taylor, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Kevin Hart, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock.
Adam Sandler: Who’s playing the Boner Dog?
Mr. Cat: Well, the boner itself is voiced by Will Ferrell.
Kevin Garnett: How many dogs do you have?
Mr. Commenter: We need nine dogs.
Mr. Cat: Are you in?
Kevin Garnett: I’m in!
Mr. Commenter: Adam, are you interested?
Adam Sandler: Executive producer kind of thing? Yeah.
Mr. Cat: If you want, it’s fine.
Mr. Commenter: So, Adam Sandler: Executive Producer of Boner Dogs. Also, this is kind of a good opportunity for both of you if we’re talking about Oscars. With this, we could even micro-target a category, so we’ll do an animated short overseas, so it’ll be eligible for a best animated short, but we’ll tape it in the Bahamas, and so we just get everybody to fly down there for a vacation, and then while you’re here, do the voice over for the Boner Dogs. And so you guys will be Oscar winners as well.
Adam Sandler: It’s not all about that, but yeah, alright.
Mr. Commenter: You wouldn’t say no to an Oscar, right?
Adam Sandler: No, but I don’t live for it.
Mr. Commenter: This will be your second one after Uncut Gems.
Kevin Garnett: Let me see how serious you all are.
Mr. Cat: We have some renderings, you know, dogs have boners.
Adam Sandler: Dogs have boners and it’s always funny.
The Sandman after recording the final scene and getting smacked in the face by a dog boner:
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PS,
Johnny Oleksinski had a good article in the Post today about how much the Academy hates comedies and comedic actors. Those smug artsy-fartsy motherfuckers snubbing Uncut Gems and Dolemite Is My Name (both of which are fucking awesome.) I mean it's absolutely incredible how much they fuck this stuff up every year, year after year, after year.