Meet Diego, The Tortoise With Semen Powerful Enough To Save His Entire Species
(CNN)–A womanizing tortoise whose rampant sex life may have single-handedly saved his entire species from extinction has retired from his playboy lifestyle, returning to the wild with his mission accomplished.
Diego’s unstoppable libido was credited as a major reason for the survival of his fellow giant tortoises on Espanola, part of the Galapagos Islands, after being shipped over from the San Diego Zoo as part of a breeding program.When he started his campaign of promiscuity, there were just two males and 12 females of his species alive on the island.But the desirable shell-dweller had so much sex he helped boost the population to over 2,000. The Galapagos National Parks service believe the 100-year-old tortoise is the patriarch of around 40% of that population.
The population dwindling, baby turtles dying at an alarming rate, and the entire species about to go extinct, scientists call on one man
DIEGO de Espanola. The Tortoise with Lance Armstrong balls, but two of them. Incredible endurance. Unlimited ammo. A viable sample for a viable population. Father of a Nation.
Scientists went to him and said “Diego, we need your help. There’s only 12 females left here. We need you to fuck all of them”. Diego took a puff of his cigar and in his heavy Spanish accent said “No. I will not fuck them”. The Scientists hearts sunk. They began to plea and beg Diego before Diego motioned them to be quiet with his finger over his lips. “I will not fuck them. No no no. I will make love to them”. Right then the scientists knew why they had picked Diego and not the other remaining male tortoise. They boarded the plane and Diego pulled down his sleep mask over his eyes and began meditating. Knowing that he had to fuck like the population of the planet depended on it.
And it worked. There are now over 2000 tortoises from that regal beast. He saved the population with a week full of romps and a harem full of females. Incredible work by everyone involved. Especially Diego. I am sure he had to compromise some of his own standards. Of the 12 females odds are that there was one that was a pig. Diego probably turned to the scientists and said “I jus want you to know, I would never fuck her. But for you, and my species, I will”. Got it done. Good for Diego. Hero of the day.
