Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Who Had An Ornament Made Of His Dead Dog's Dick?

That’s right. Orlando Bloom is the PROUD owner of not only his deceased dog’s skeleton, but also made the dog’s dick into some sort of ornament. I want you to read that again. Orlando Bloom, the guy famous for being the second lead in movies like Troy, Lord Of The Rings, and Pirates Of The Caribbean between 2001 and 2005, and turning that success into procreating with the most beautiful woman ever to walk on God’s green Earth

THAT guy decided that yeah, I want my dogs dick with me forever.

(Mirror UK)–“I just couldn’t stand the fact that he was just not going to be around anymore.”

According to The Daily Star, Bloom was also asked by the company if he wanted to keep his pooch’s penis.

And not wanting to let any part of Sidi go, the 42-year-old decided to keep it and use it as an ornament.

“They asked me if I wanted to keep the penis. What do you think I said?”

“Yes! Actually aesthetically it didn’t look quite right, so I have it on the side” he revealed.

Buddy, I’ve been there. Putting a dog down is the absolute WORST feeling in the world. This was my dog, Reilly

You lift your dog into the car after giving him a great final meal of ribeye steak and sweet potatoes. Drive over to the vet trying not crash because you can’t see passed your own tears. You walk in, the vet says some words to you that I quite frankly can’t remember and they start the process. You just sit there loving on your dog, sobbing, and and telling him what a good boy he’s been for the last 10 years. Then it’s over. You’re devastated. And at NO point do you ever think “hey, Doc, would you mind preserving my dog’s dick so I can hang it on my Christmas tree?“.

In that same article, they seemlessly transitioned to a quote from his now girlfriend, Katy Perry, wanting to have children with Orlando Bloom. And now I want to preemptively call child services. If BOTH parents are cool with and think it’s normal to have dog dick ornament and an encased skeleton on display in the living room, well…they’re unfit to be parents. That is a fact. Orlando Bloom’s kids are probably better off being raised by the snapchat dude who invented an app to send nudes that would “disappear” after sending. That is way better than having your kids unwrap gifts next to their dead pet’s dick.