Advertisement

"We Just Kicked Your Fuckin' Ass": Team USA Takes Down The Russians 3-1 At The World Juniors

Who: USA vs Russia

What: 2020 World Juniors Preliminary Round

When: 1pm Eastern Standard Time (NHL Network)

Where: Ostrava, Czech Republic

Why: Because this is the goddamn United States of America and we kick the shit out of anybody and everybody who stands in our way of domination. 

Gambling Odds via Bovada:

Day vs Night. Good vs Evil. Dogs vs Cats. The United States of America vs Russia. Just some of the greatest rivalries throughout the history of time. And today at 1pm EST in Ostrava, Czech Republic, we get to see it go down once again. 

This will be a rematch of the 2019 semifinals when the Americans sent the Russians to the bronze medal game with a 2-1 win. It will also be a rematch of the 2019 U18 WJC semifinals when the Russians sent Team USA to the bronze medal game with a 3-2 shootout win. 

I don't think much needs to be said heading into this game. We know how big the rivalry is. We know that USA vs Russia is where legends have been born. The 1980 Miracle on Ice team. TJ Oshie against Russia at the Sochi Olympics. Troy Terry in the shootout against Russia in the semifinals of the 2017 World Juniors. And now someone on this 2020 team has a chance to make a name for themselves as well. It could finally be the emergence of Cole Caufield. It could be one of the most underrated players in the tournament like Arthur Kaliyev. It could be Shane Pinto Beans continuing to load the back of the net up with rubber as he's been doing so far this tournament. The opportunity is there for another USA Hockey legend to be born today, somebody just has to take it. 

For the Russians? Well they're coming into this game extra hot. They beat the absolute piss out of the Canadians yesterday 6-0. They beat the shit out of them so bad that little baby Barrett Hayton threw a hissy fit and wouldn't even take off his helmet during the playing of the Russian national anthem. It was a physical, emotional, and spiritual beatdown of Hockey Canada. And hopefully it was such a big win for the Russians yesterday that they just don't have enough left in the tank to follow it up today. Hopefully they wasted all their goals against Canada yesterday an they're screwed for today. That's probably not the case since this team is loaded with weapons, but so are the Americans. And Team USA hasn't played a great game yet this tournament. At least not a great full 60 minutes. They had a great 1st period against Canada but then started to fall apart. They played horribly against Germany until the 3rd period and then poured it on for the win. Today it's going to take a full 60 minutes of fuck you hockey, and what better team to do that against than the Russians?

Great moments are born from great opportunity. That's what you have here today, boys. Go do the damn thing and go America all over their asses. Make sure to follow along on Twitter (@BarstoolJordie) for real time highlights/updates, and then check back in between periods for updates on the Live Blog. And with all that...the live blog is now officially activated. 

End of 1st: USA 0, Russia 0

Still scoreless after 20 minutes but there was still plenty of action in that period. The best moment of the period was Team USA killing off a 4-minute powerplay. Their penalty kill has been pure shit so far this tournament so that was huge to see them be able to handle the Russians. Most of that was thanks to a few big saves from Spencer Knight and then also some great work by Ty Emberson (ARI '18)

Separates a man from the puck, intercepts a pass below the goal line and clears the zone. About as pretty of a sequence as you can see on the PK. 

The bad news, however, is that Team USA is getting bullied out there physically. The Russians are just tossing them around like a bunch of little boys. 

Sure would be nice to see someone like K'Andre Miller to go out there and bodybag someone. Does Team USA need enforcers? You're goddamn right they do. But fortunately for them, the refs enforced a 2+10 penalty on Misuyl here so they'll head into the 2nd still on the powerplay. 

End of 2nd: USA 2, Russia 0

Trevor Zegras (ANA) had 4 primary assists on the first 4 USA goals against Germany on Friday. So what does he go out and do today against Russia? Well he continues to be the greatest set up man on the planet and this time goes no-look cross ice to Arthur Kaliyev (LAK) on the powerplay to finally break the scoring open in this game. 

What a seed. What a shot. That's what Freedom looks like, boys and girls. Troy Terry was the hero a few years ago and this year it's another Anaheim draft pick dragging their nuts across the entire hockey playing galaxy. Trevor Zegras is a stud. 

And off the very next faceoff, Nick Robertson (TOR) got just enough on this "shot" to send it to the back of the net and give the Americans a 2-0 lead just like that. 

We went 36 minutes and 40 seconds in this game without a single goal. Then we get 2 in just 6 seconds. Hockey is the greatest sport in the world. 

Things have been chippy out there all day and you know it's going to get even greasier out there now in the 3rd period. Gotta love how much Oliver Wahlstrom hates the Russians. 

2-0 lead. 20 minutes left to play. Go out there and finish this one, boys. 

3rd Period Updates: USA 3, Russia 1

They don't ask how, they ask how many. And this right here was #2 for Arthur Kaliyev on the day as Amir Miftakhov was looking extra leaky in cage for the Russians. 

That goal ended up sending Miftakhov to the bench and hopefully Putin wasn't watching this game today. One player on Russia, however, who won't need to be afraid of Putin when he gets home is Alexander Romanov (MTL '18), who sent an absolute piss missile to the back of the net to get Russia on the board for the first time in this game. 

Lotta Russian Gas behind that shot right there. 

But guess what? American Heart beats Russian Gas every single damn day of the week. And especially on a Sunday. No blood doping necessary, Freedom just reigns supreme. 


What a gutsy win for Team USA. From the penalty killing to the goaltending to taking advantage of the very limited opportunities they were given. That was the exact type of game you'd expect to see out of a gold medal contender. Now the boys just have to take care of the host nation tomorrow and they'll have themselves set up to make a nice run in the medal rounds. 

Final Score: USA 3 - Russia 1

USA Hockey is Do or Die. 

@BarstoolJordie


Advertisement