"I Guess Jason Garrett Has To Take An Uber Home" - Brandon Graham, Delivering The Final Blow To Jason Garrett's Impeccable Career In Dallas
In all of my years of being an Eagles fan, Jason Garrett is still my favorite coach of all time. There's nobody that has consistently been able to give the Eagles a chance at winning the division the way that Garrett has. Andy Reid could never. Dick Vermeil could never. That piece of shit Chip Kelly could clearly never. And even Doug Pederson could never.
The best coach in Philadelphia Eagles history has been and will always be Jason Garrett. Which is why yesterday's win was such a bittersweet moment. Because while nothing brings me joy quite like potentially delivering the dagger to the Cowboys' season and seeing Skip in shambles...
...I will be completely devastated and heart broken if Jason Garrett finally getting fired after a bazillion years of mediocrity is the price to pay for that win. I wish this man could coach in Dallas forever. If I were Jerry Jones, I give Jason Garrett a lifetime contract if he doesn't have one already. And honestly, that man right there is our last hope. Jerry Jones is the straw the stirs the drink. I don't know if that saying fit perfectly here or not but its a sexy saying and I wanted to use it. The point I'm trying to make is that Jerry Jones is the key here. Because while the entire world knows that Jason Garrett should have been fired the very moment that Miles Sanders' ass hit the ground on that final run of the season, for some reason Jason Garrett is still employed by the Cowboys. Which leads me to believe...
Maybe this old bag of bones is one of us.
Maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, Jerry Jones is the biggest Eagles fan on the planet. And maybe he is a diabolical bastard that he has purposefully anchored his own Dallas Cowboys to Jason Garrett for the past decade just to make sure that the Philadelphia Eagles always have a chance. Out of all the reasons for Jerry Jones to not have fired Jason Garrett a couple of years ago, this is the only reasonable explanation. Help us, Jerry Jones. You're our only hope. Don't listen to all the morons who are calling for Jason Garrett's head. You fire him any time over the course of the next 4 years and you look weak, you look like a fool, and you look like you're allowing clowns like Skip Bayless to call the shots. Assert your dominance, establish your power, and keep Jason Garrett employed for the next decade.
P.S. - Maybe Jason Garrett had to take a Uber home anyway last night. Not because he finally got canned but because the Cowboys plane had some technical issues and they were stuck at the Linc for an extra 3 hours after the loss.
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P.P.S. - Dak can get it, too. Eagles clearly have kept allllllllll of the receipts.