Sport Of The Future: Paul “Biz Nasty” Bissonnette Is Taking His Talents(?) From The Ice To The NLL
There are plenty of similarities between box lacrosse and ice hockey. Both sports are played 5v5 in a rink. Both sports require you to place a rubber object past a goaltender and into the back of the net to score a goal. And both sports have a bench for players to park their ass when they’re not getting any playing time. Which is probably where Biz is going to end up after his PTO with the Vancouver Warriors of the National Lacrosse League.
Now here's the thing--if there's one thing I know about Biz is that he's not afraid to play a greasy game. That goes for on the floor and off the floor. So it wouldn't surprise me to see him sabotage the entire team just to assure himself a spot on the roster. Maybe he takes the boys out for a night at Roxy and then bails on them when the bill comes. They can't afford to pay for the bottle service so they end up getting locked up in jail. Then at practice the next morning, Biz is the only one who shows up and he just makes the team by default. There are a million different ways I could see him making the team, but his lacrosse skills aren't one of them. I mean the only thing lower than his career Corsi% is the amount of functional knees he has on his body, and those are kind of important when it comes to being a professional lacrosse player. But can I see him getting extra greasy to make sure he continues life as a professional athlete? It's a no brainer.
I have to admit though--I'm going to be incredibly furious if Biz becomes the first Barstool employee to make an NLL roster over me. I gave the Philadelphia Wings everything I had last year and I'm still waiting for a spot at training camp.
If I need to go 1v1 with this pigeon to finally get my chance, I'll have to find a way to make that happen. But until then, I'm rooting for Biz. Lacrosse is the sport of the future and what better way to solidify that than with a former grocery stick turned hockey podcaster.
With that being said, the NLL is one of the few professional sports leagues left in the world where enforcers and locker room guys can truly thrive and that right there tells me that this league was made for Paul Bissonnette. Your favorite beauty's favorite beauty.
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Sidenote: I saw a few people over the last few days getting upset about Biz getting this PTO as a "publicity stunt" and a few people bitching about how there are other guys out there who deserve this chance more than he does. Let me just quickly tell all of those bozos to politely shut the fuck up. Two things here. 1) If those other people who "deserve it more" were actually good enough to make a team, they'd be at training camp already. Lacrosse is still a small sport and I feel like it's pretty easy for guys who can actually make it in the league to get noticed. And 2) having Biz do this training camp with Vancouver is going to be HUGE for bringing more attention to the NLL and allowing so many more people to find out about the league. This is great for the league, it's great for the sport, and it'll end up being hilarious. So if you're somebody who is upset by this, just know that you're not interested in growing the game. Selfish pricks.