DISNEY AND SONY COME TO A DEAL - SPIDER-MAN IS BACK IN THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE

Robbie Fox9/27/2019 3:41 PM

OH MY GOD!!! WE’RE BACK, BABY!!! WE’RE BACK!!!!

After months of extremely dire and sad times for Marvel fans – similar to that of which the world faced for five years after Thanos’ initial snap – the portals have finally opened, and Peter Parker is BACK! Back in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, that is, as Sony and Marvel Studios have finally come to an agreement on how they’ll be sharing the character going forward. This is BY FAR the best news of the week, and possibly the month, and that says A LOT, because it’s not like nothing went down in the last few days…

If you’re completely lost as to what I’m talking about right now, let me give you a quick refresher…

Marvel almost went bankrupt in the 90s, and as a last ditch effort to save the company, they offered up the movie rights for their gallery of heroes for dirt cheap. Sony took one look at all of the characters they had, said, “These fucking suck”, and turned down the opportunity to buy literally everyone besides Spider-Man. So they went out and made the Tobey Maguire flicks, and later made the Andrew Garfield flicks, but also eventually got to a point where their movies were so unbelievably bad that Spider-Man was rapidly becoming damaged goods. I mean, the Uncle Ben origin story is basically a big joke at this point – STILL to this day, but I digress.

That’s when Kevin Fiege and Marvel Studios – who were obviously seeing MAJOR cinematic success with all of the heroes Sony turned down all those years ago – swooped in and offered to basically lease out Spider-Man for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. They’d handle all of the creative shit, Sony would earn profits, Marvel would earn profits, the character would once again become what it should be – the centerpiece of Marvel’s arsenal of larger-than-life characters.

Sometime after the release of the second Tom Holland/Marvel Studios Spider-Man film, ‘Far From Home’, Sony decided they were backing out of this deal and not willing to renegotiate at all. This coming IMMEDIATELY after Marvel Studios set up Peter Parker to be the next Tony Stark, AKA the next face of their multi-billion dollar universe, and ended the most recent flick on the biggest cliffhanger in the history of the MCU.

Obviously, people were pissed…

But the real ones knew this disagreement could never last…

Now, it’s time for Sony and Marvel Studios to have the greatest make-up sex of all time in Spider-Man 3, and I can’t fucking wait to watch it happen.

Here’s Kevin Fiege/Amy Pascal’s quotes on the new agreement…

“I am thrilled that Spidey’s journey in the MCU will continue, and I and all of us at Marvel Studios are very excited that we get to keep working on it,” said Feige in a statement. “Spider-Man is a powerful icon and hero whose story crosses all ages and audiences around the globe. He also happens to be the only hero with the superpower to cross cinematic universes, so as Sony continues to develop their own Spidey-verse you never know what surprises the future might hold.”

Pascal was equally euphoric in her statement. “This is terrific,” she said. “Peter Parker’s story took a dramatic turn in ‘Far From Home’ and I could not be happier we will all be working together as we see where his journey goes.”

I’m not kidding when I say the Barstool Office also LIT UP for this news. Everyone is jacked up about this news. EVERYONE! It’s fucking crazy! People I didn’t even know liked superheroes were excited! What a wonderful timeline we’re living in right now.

Welcome home, Spidey!!!