Guess That Country: A Farmer Grew A 4 Inch Horn Out Of His Goddamn Head

And the answer is…..

Congratulations to those who guessed this correctly. If you DM @UncleChaps on Twitter, he will send you a free Ball Don’t Lie shirt within 3-5 business days.

Now I imagine this revelation does not come as a surprise for OG Stoolies that have seen no shortage of mutations come out of India for years. A few months ago we had Teeth Boy:

Before him there was the infamous Three Dicked Baby:

And of course, the leader of the squad, Tree Man:

Yes I know that Tree Man is technically from India’s neighbor, Bangladesh. But lets not get caught up in semantics here, people. Adam Banks once lived outside of the Mighty Ducks district before changes occurred but that doesn’t make him any less of a Duck than Charlie or Goldberg. So I’m lumping Tree Man in with the rest of the crew as well as the newest member of the I-Men, Horn Guy.

NY Post- A 74-year-old Indian man just had a 4-inch “devil horn” removed from the top of his skull. Doctors who operated on the man at Bhagyoday Tirth Hospital in the Sagar district of Madhya Predesh, India, say he is now healed from surgery. According to Dr. Vishal Gajbhiye, the elderly man, Shyam Lal Yadav, a farmer from Rahli village in Madhya Pradesh, bruised his head in 2014 — then noticed a lump.

As someone with the normal amount of teeth, one regular shitty dick, and nothing in common with Groot outside of awesome dance moves as well as willingness to sacrifice my well-being for the good of the group, I’ve never been able to quite identify with any of the I-Men. However, that all changed now with my close personal friend, Shyam Lal Yadav.

“Initially, he ignored it as it did not cause any discomfort,” Gajbhiye tells SWNS. At first, he had the “growth cut by the local barber — but when the lump hardened and started growing further, he approached the hospital at Sagar.” Yadav had developed what experts calls a sebaceous or cutaneous horn, a type of tumor that is often not harmful, though there is “malignant potential,” according to the Journal of Oral and Maxillofacial Pathology.

Name me a more relatable move than ignoring a potential medical emergency for as long as possible and relying on non-medical professionals like a fucking barber to fix things instead of before finally checking into the ER? You can’t.

Despite this relatability, I have to nitpick Shyam’s timing a bit. I personally would have waited a little bit longer before having that horn removed just because it opens the playbook for incredible Halloween costumes. Shyam Daddy could have been a unicorn, a ring toss game, or thrown it back to the classics and dressed up as a sweet ass pumpkin. The only problem with this line of thinking is I’m pretty sure they don’t celebrate Halloween in India and a giant devil horn popping out of your forehead that makes children cry likely drops you down a few floors in the ol’ caste system. Then again, if you travel the country as Horn Guy in some sort of Indian circus, I imagine that probably beats the hell out of being a farmer in India (No offense to the Stoolie farmers out there, but I always remember being the Farmer From Illinois was by the most difficult path to win the Oregon Trail).

P.S. While “researching” this story, I stumbled upon the potential mascot of the I-Men and sidekick to Horn Guy, Third-Horn Goat.

Never change, India.