Power Ranking The 5 Barstools At My Local Bar

Carl9/11/2019 4:00 PM

I like to drink beer and I know I’m not alone. Like most of you, I have a local watering hole that I love nearly and dearly. It was closed for a few weeks to undergo renovations which absolutely sucked. I had to go down the street a little further to this other bar I hardly go to and it was honestly a bizarro world

After enduring such hardship my spot recently reopened and we’re back in business literally and figuratively. Feels like freshman year of college and all your boys are home from school over Thanksgiving for the first time. Pure and utter delight.

So I’m in there last night doing my thing, cracking miller lites with the guy who gave me the cup snake mug when it dawned on me:

Holy fucking shit, Carl, there are 5 different kinds of barstools in this one bar

FIVE

Here they are power ranked:

5. Low Riser:

Hip and cool but zero back support and honestly I’m probably falling out of this thing after 11pm. This is more for when you’re grabbing a drink with a hot babe and you want to stand and she’s gonna sit for a few minutes while you wait for a table to open up.

4. Velvet Taco:

Mid size is nice but again I need more comfort for my butt cheeks, better back support, a spot for my arms or really just anything but a cool microfiber design. End of the day though there’s no such thing as a bad barstool. This is just a little too trendy for me.

3. The Jail Bars

No one’s back is breaking out of this one with support running high into your lower shoulder blades. It’s an old school, sure. But the padding is severely underrated and they get pushed in under the tables way easier. This is a very solid mid point bar stool.

2. The Old Fashioned

This one’s in your grandpa’s basement at the bar he built when he got home from Korea. All time classic.

1. The Rolls

Are you fucking kidding me? Enough space for 1.5 people. No back fat spilling out. Space for your legs. Swivel capacity when you got action spread on tons of games etc.