AAU Coach Kobe Bryant Is Grooming An Entire Army Of Mambas

I cannot, for the life of me, imagine how intense these practices have been for the last two years. Because no amount of natural progression would separate two teams by ONE HUNDRED POINTS without some sort USSR Olympic level training regiment. And while I’ve never been a Kobe guy, there’s something respectable about this level of lunacy and commitment to dominating anyone and everyone in absolutely anything. All the rings, the accolades, jerseys retired, points scored, business ventures entered into, and STILL the only thing on this man’s mind for the last two years was the fact that his squad lost 22-21 in some random 12-year old AAU tournament. He’s had these girls studying the hunting patterns of polar bears, instilling in the youth that sometimes in order to survive you have to eat your own and that “mercy” is a cute theory for losers.

These girls have practiced harder these last two years than Shaq ever did once in his life during his years with the Lakers, I’ve never been so sure of something. And while it’s all smiles and freeze frame jumps in this photo, what these girls don’t realize is that they failed. Not in the game, they secured the win, moved the ball well and put on an overall clinic on the offensive end. However, two years ago they allowed 22 points. This year? 27 points. I’m sure they ran suicides til the cows came home after this picture was taken.