Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Who Was Arrested For Threatening A House Guest With A Machete After Not Flushing The Toilet

(Miami Herald)–According to a police report from the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, a deputy responding to a disturbance call made contact with the victim who said he had just been threatened with a machete.

The individual told the deputy that the man who threatened him, later identified as Keith Mounts, said he would “chop” him because the man did not flush the toilet after using it.

A roommate in the home told the deputy that he witnessed Mounts carrying the machete into the yard, where the fight happened and where it was uncovered by law enforcement.

Mounts later admitted to threatening the victim with the weapon but did so because he was “defending himself,” the report said. The suspect could provide no reason as to why he was defending himself, however.

The 46-year-old also failed to mention having a problem with the man not flushing the toilet, but did say in a written statement, “S–t happened.”

This is a Florida mad libs story. Only in Florida can you have an attempted murder with a machete over someone refusing to flush after taking a shit. I don’t think there has ever been another state involving a machete. They’re just standard issue in Florida. You can get one at the Wal-Mart check-out line next to the 24oz Monster Energy cans.

Here is the thing though…this is one of those arrests that isn’t going to go anywhere. There’s no chance a jury of his peers or a judge is going to convict this guy. If anything, it might be like that scene in A Few Good Men where the star witness gets up, tells his story and everyone is like WHOA…actually YOU’RE arrested. Leaving a shit in the toilet and refusing to flush is assault. It’s an assault on at least two senses. Walking in and seeing a floating shit in the toilet is one of the most revolting things a person can see. It’s gross. If that person did it with malicious intent then quite frankly, by Florida law, they deserved to get machete’d. You can’t do that. A man has a right to defend his property and if you disrespect the throne in that property then corporal punishment with a deadly weapon shouldn’t be a crime.