Bud Light Is Offering Free Beer To Any Alien That Busts Out Of Area 51 #BudLightBusters
Someone in Bud Light’s social media department deserves a hell of a raise, because this is may be the most ingenious marketing move I have seen since Budweiser and Bud Light used to battle on the gridiron in the Bud Bowl during the Big Game Super Bowl (suck my dick, Goodell).
Sidenote: Check out the lettuce of the Swami!
Look, chances are there is going to be no Area 51 raid. All the people that signed the petition to storm a military base that probably had all aliens shipped out of it once it became a tourist destination will either wisen up, chicken out, or be too high to remember that it was A-Day, which is definitely what future generations will call it.
But on the off chance that an Area 51 raid does occur and a bunch of aliens do get loose, any #brand that is associated with a superviral movement and aliens is going to be the hottest brand in at least the world if not the entire universe. You don’t want to willingly sit out what could be the most important moment in human history. You gotta jump in two feet to try to get in those aliens’ good graces. And I can’t think of a better way to get into an alien’s good graces than a free beer. Signs of friendship vary between different cultures. It could be a handshake, a hug, a smile, or a kiss. But the one universal sign of camaraderie is buying some booze for someone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s a beer, a shot, or a bottle of wine. Giving the gift of spirits is something that can be understood no matter what your culture is, dating back to JC and the Apostles getting tipsy off His blood to our forefathers throwing back some of Sam Adams private stash while writing a rough draft of how they were going to tell Britain to go fuck themselves.
I’m sure any alien sitting in Area 51 sick of being tested on saw this tweet on their iPhone 20 and is counting down the minutes they can drink a nice cold, refreshing Bud Light to offset years living in that dry desert heat. And on the very likely chance those aliens with superior technology and brains are a little upset about all anal probes they were likely subjected to over the years, a nice cold brewski is going to be exactly what the doctor ordered to repair what may be some strained relations between species. Sure there is a chance that aliens drink like fish and could cost Anheuser-Busch a pretty penny. But if Bud Light can become the thing that evaporates a potential Cold War or even Hot War between humans and aliens, that free beer will be worth its weight in liquid gold. Especially with such fire labels that will sell out of any grocery store in seconds.
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To any of the people that don’t think this has a good chance of happening, let me just remind you of the last two times Bud Light pulled a similar stunt for things that seemed like they may never happen.
Bud Light also rescued me from my family in the #BudLightBusters contest two years ago and I was an Aubrey Dawkins trimmed fingernail away from escaping captivity a second time for the desert.