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The Definitive List Of Mets Misery

I’ve long held the theory that my existence as a sports fan is the worst existence imaginable. The life of a Mets/Jets/Knicks fan is bottom of the barrel for sports fandom. And whenever I say this, a bunch of losers come out of the woodwork and argue why their fandom is worse and we end up having a dick measuring contest to see whos got the smallest, most pathetic dick. Now I readily admit that there are other cities and franchises that are just as futile, and in some instances, more futile on paper than my teams. But the two X Factors which always tip the scales “in my favor” are 1) New York is a big market city and so when other small market, bullshit towns complain about being terrible, I have to explain that those franchises are SUPPOSED to be dreadful. Billion dollar New York City teams should be winners. And 2) The Mets and Jets forever have the Giants and Yankees rubbing their plethora of championships in our faces. In our own city…at our own schools, at work, at the bar, on a date, wherever Mets/Jets/Knicks fans go, they have their crosstown rivals mocking us and abusing us. Every other city in contention for this contest wins together and loses together. I’ve spent my whole life being demeaned by people in my own hometown who are drowning in championships.

But even if you removed those X Factors for the New York Mets, I still think they are a RUNAWAY for most embarrassing franchise in the league. Sure, theres a couple teams out there that havent won a World Series. Yea, theres a franchise or two that havent made the playoffs in forever. Some teams havent even been above .500 in an eternity. BUT, thats just wins and losses. Thats just losing games. Thats the TIP OF THE FUCKING ICEBERG with the New York Mets. If losing ball games was all we were talking about, I’d be fine. I’ve been watching losses my whole life. That aint shit. Its the mortifying, embarrassing, unheard of humiliation the Mets make their fans endure that separates them from the other losers in the discussion. Off the field issues. Perennial pop culture punchlines. Story lines from the locker room and the ownership suites that honestly sound too dramatic and too ridiculous to be true. Below is a list of SIXTY times the Mets embarrassed themselves and their fanbase well beyond losing a baseball game. Inexplicable injuries. Preposterous quotes. Deplorable behavior. Disappointing failures and impossibly bad luck. With the vast, vast majority of it coming under the tyrannical reign of incompetent terror from Fred and Jeff Wilpon. A man can be an artist… in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. The Mets art is failure. And every single season, they paint a new masterpiece.

  1. Ike Davis’s Valley fever
  2. Ryan Church’s concussion flight
  3. Cespedes ranch accident
  4. 2007 collapse
  5. 2008 collapse
  6. Fred popping champagne after being eliminated to celebrate new stadium
  7. Matz hurting back sleeping on a friend’s couch during the 2015 pennant chase
  8. Jenry Mejia getting suspended 3 times for PEDs (then coming back)
  9. Syndergaard getting Hand foot and mouth disease
  10. Lastings Milledge
  11. Dwight Gooden missing the ’86 parade in a crack house
  12. Duaner Sanchez Cab Ride Massacre
  13. Matt Harvey UTI from just not peeing
  14.  Dildogate
  15. Mr. Met flipping off a fan
  16. Bobby Bonilla
  17. Luis Castillo pop up
  18. Hiring an agent as GM
  19. Saberhagen bleach super soaker
  20. Ojeda’s gardening accident
  21. Tony Bernazard taking his shirt off to fight a minor leaguer
  22. Mickey fight/Vargas fight / apology
  23. Firing Willie Randolph at 1 am after making him fly for a road trip
  24. KRod beating his father in law
  25. Nimmo undercooking chicken and giving himself food poisoning
  26. Citi field getting lit on fire (twice)
  27. Rickey Henderson card game
  28. Kenny Rodgers walk
  29. Generation K
  30. Carlos Beltran caught looking
  31. Bobby Parnell blowing a save then immediately getting Tommy John
  32. Mets honoring franchise legends moments after getting eliminated
  33. Letting go of Tom Seaver TWICE
  34. Brodie managing games from home
  35. DW throwing out Noah’s lunch
  36. Vince Coleman throwing firecrackers at kids in LA
  37. Jason Bay
  38. Syndergaard skipping an MRI
  39. Madoff
  40. Trading Nolan Ryan
  41. Mets players drunk, doing drugs & “wife-swapping” on plane in ’86
  42. Piazza coming out as not gay
  43. Firing a pregnant employee for being pregnant
  44. Racoon loose in clubhouse
  45. Little Jerry
  46. Pedro pitching meaningless game
  47. Vince Coleman’s golf swing injuring Gooden
  48. Sneaking weed into Shea in peanut butter jars
  49. Batting out of order
  50. Only 8 players on the field for Opening Day
  51. David Cone in the bullpen “pine-tarring his bat” in front of 2 women
  52. Bob Valentine mustache
  53. Piazza 9/11 jersey sale/ team criticizing buyer for re-sale
  54. Agbayani steals ball from fan after giving it to him with 2 outs
  55. Kaz’s anal fissures
  56. Scott kazmir trade for wrong Victor Zambrano (without a physical)
  57. Kris Benson’s wife saying she’d fuck the whole Mets roster If he cheats on her
  58. Anna Benson wearing sexy Ms. Claus outfit to company holiday party
  59. Anna Benson kidnapping her husband and locking him in the basement, while wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying a gun and knife
  60. Mets flashing “Congratulations Boston Red Sox, 1986 World Champions” on scoreboard in Game 6

An ASTOUNDING list of failure and incompetence. A lot of those names and moments probably dont truly strike a chord with you unless you are a Mets fan who have lived through the misery. And I get it, if you’re not from here, you dont fully understand. I’ve seen it with Barstool guys – everyone here used to think I was exaggerating how bad the Mets franchise is, until they moved here. When you live here and you see it first hand, you realize its different. The other loser teams just cant compare. You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!

PS- I know there is a ton of shit missing from this list like the Mets new stadium being built with more Dodgers references in it than Mets references, the ceremony after the last game at Shea Stadium following the Mets fans getting their guts ripped out yet again, and a billion other things. So if you have any to add, reply in the comments or in Clem’s tweet.