Marijuana Use Is Actually Worse For Humanity Than Chernobyl

Thanks to HBO, Chernobyl is having a hotter summer than Lil Nas X. Chernobyl’s got more buzz than ever before. You can’t go anywhere without people talking Chernobyl. Instagram models are flocking to the Ukraine to try and catch some of this Chernobyl clout making the rounds. But everyone is missing the point here. Everyone except for the only guy alive with a brain.

Fucking FINALLY. I mean, what was everyone waiting for? This comparison was literally sitting right there, waiting for the dots to be connected. I don’t know if folks were too scared to face the facts or if it was one of those “so obvious it didn’t even need to be said” moments we encounter so often, but boy am I glad we’re living in this world now. You see, yesterday we lived in a world where people thought marijuana was ok. We had basically invited the fox to set up a couch and live rent free in the hen house. Little kids, coast to coast, were injecting THC right into their dickholes trying to chase these highs. Not knowing that they’re causing more harm and damage to their bodies than Chernobyl. Now, I have no idea what Chernobyl is, what it could be, or what could have potentially happened with it. So let me take a brief minute to adjust my monocle and peruse the wikipedia page for Chernobyl. Before looking, my guess is that it is some sort of yogurt that helps your digestive system. Hold please.

Alright, I’m back. Boy oh boy. I hope someone was fired for that mishap. I don’t think a simple “hand up, my bad” is going to cover for what was described as THE MOST DISASTROUS NUCLEAR POWER PLANT ACCIDENT IN HISTORY. But the point remains, marijuana is very clearly worse than this. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Now that it’s out there, hopefully we can all start to realize the mistakes we’ve been making by harvesting this naturally occurring plant and go literally scorched Earth on these crops. For the safety of the children, the future of this planet, humanity relies on a swift and thorough reaction to this plague.