Belichick Shot Kyle Van Noy in the Face with a Paintball
Yesterday I posted about Bill Belichick blowing off the last practices of OTAs to take his team – who, as he’s mentioned have played seven full seasons in the last six years – paintballing for a little rest, relaxation, and team-building. And, we found out later, a little mayhem:
Most of the players appeared to have fun, but the activity didn’t end too well for linebacker Kyle Van Noy. On Tuesday, he was playing Fortnite with fellow teammate Dont’a Hightower when he shared his experience from the match.
“I got hit, I’m telling you. This paintball hit me in the mask, and the mask hit my tooth and my s- still hurts,” Van Noy said.
Hightower teased him after, making him tell the audience who did it. Van Noy was reluctant at first before saying, “Bill got my ass.”
Honestly, that is one of the most beautiful things I’ve heard in a long, long time. I’m a huge Kyle Van Noy guy. I rewatched Super Bowl LIII last weekend (my life is lit, yo) and get more impressed with his performance with each viewing. For instance, I’ve seen this sack 30 time and still can’t believe he covered this much ground in so little time. This is real time, not sped up and not a CGI character like The Flash:
So, sure, I might sympathize with him for taking a paintball in the facemask. I’ve done that and appreciate how painful it is. But I’m not sympathizing. On the contrary, I’m congratulating him. He should take this as proof his coach likes him as much as I do.
Remember that part in the Bruce Willis movie “RED”? Strike that. Nobody remembers any part in “RED,” which is a shame because it’s a damned fine film. Anyway, the Brian Cox character, who’s a Russian agent says how he was once shot in the chest at point blank range by the very GILFish Helen Mirren character, who’s a British agent. But they’re still on good terms. And later on he explains that when she pulled the trigger is the moment he realized she loves him. Because if she didn’t, she would’ve killed him dead. She didn’t miss. She simply shot him in a spot where he’d survive.
That’s what happened here. If Belichick wanted to hit Van Noy with a kill shot, he would have. But he saves those for guys on his enemies list. Your Eric Manginis, Bill Polians, Charley Casserleys, Mike Kensils, Mark Brunells and so on. If he deems their life is worth a half ounce of plastic and paint, that is. The guys he truly cares about and appreciates get one in the puss. The time to worry isn’t when your tooth gets knocked out. It’s when he stops putting a flying orb of hot, stinging liquid latex in your face.
Still, here’s hoping for a speedy recovery for Van Noy. And we’ll just assume he found some way to recuperate from his wounds besides just Fortnite.
