Walmart Settles Potentially Devastating Lawsuit With Just A $60 Gift Card

WGN— A Texas family is angry at a local Walmart after being sold a cake made of styrofoam.

Mary Flores wanted her daughter’s high school graduation to be perfect. Flores went to Walmart the morning of the graduation to get the cake she had ordered, but they didn’t have it.

Flores said that Walmart lost her order for a two-tier graduation cake, but they offered to make another one for free.

Flores took the cake home, but had another problem when she cut into the cake later, but the cake wouldn’t budge. Flores and her family realized it was not cake underneath the frosting, but styrofoam.

When they took the cake back to Walmart, Flores said the store offered her a $60 gift certificate.

Walmart Public Affairs issued a statement saying they took care of the problem with Flores’ cake.

“Incident was result of misunderstanding,” a spokesman said. “The matter has been resolved. The customer was given a gift card for her inconvenience.”

I’m not well versed in the merits of baking double decker graduation cakes at the local Walmart. All I can do is assume it’s a tough job and there’s a lot of moving pieces. So gun to my head, I’m sure getting an order wrong every now and then happens and is just part of the Walmart double decker graduation cake way of life.

Point is you don’t get in the batters box if you’re afraid to get hit and you don’t order a double decker graduation cake from Walmart if you’re not afraid to eat Styrofoam. I’m not the guy who makes the rules just the one enforcing them and this one’s clear cut. Only question I have is what kind of misunderstanding can lead to Walmart selling a styrofoam cake. Like that’s a pretty steep misunderstanding no? Ordering something to eat made out of non-biodegradable materials? My only guess is you’re screaming your lungs out at the Baker that you want This Fucking Display cake. The one I ordered two weeks ago that you already fucked up once. I want THAT (*points*) cake. 

Sir that’s a display cake.

AND THAT’S THE FUCKING CAKE I WANT. 

That’s basically the only way you get a styrofoam cake due to misunderstanding that doesn’t involve micro-dosing bath salts. (The bad kind.) Outside of that I have no idea and this is where I stop trying to figure out how we get to this point and just enjoy that Walmart settled this dispute with a $60 gift card.

Walmart.

As in the company that’s projected to gross $520 BILLION in 2019.

A company that employs more lawyers than almost every law firm in the world is managing their litigation risk by offering $60 gift cards. And let there be no doubt there’s a lot at stake in Texas when you fuck up a graduation cake. Everything’s bigger in Texas and settlement agreements are no fucking exception. So what’s the biggest baddest retailer in the world do?

They take a page from us and up the ante 10 bucks. And again, gun to my head I think I can safely float the theory that ruining the family dessert is way worse than misappropriating an already misappropriated piece of content but that’s just my theory. End of the day all that matters is you guys realize maybe offering gift cards is standard industry practice for standard industry leaders.

Speaking of litigation risk, image courtesy of Vox