Internet Mansion Tour - Ozzie Guillen Is Selling His Wicker Park Home For $2.5 Million

Carl5/22/2019 3:40 PM

Chicago Curbed - After calling Bucktown home for the past eight years, Chicago sports legend Ozzie Guillen and his wife, Ibis, are looking to unload their 6,700-square-foot contemporary mansion on Wolcott Street.
Built in 2009, the multi-level residence manages to squeeze a lot of house into a relatively narrow city lot. It features four bedrooms, a designer kitchen, a metal staircase, a home theater room, rooftop solarium and putting green, and an interior lightwell to bring extra sun into the long, shotgun-like floor plan.
The Guillens plan to move closer to family in Chicago’s southwest suburbs, Crain’s first reported on Tuesday. The couple plan to list the home within the next week with an asking price of $2.5 million, according to the publication.
The couple paid just shy of $2 million for the property—then nicknamed the Urban Sandbox for the literal sandbox built into its deck—in 2011.
Ozzie Guillen played for the Chicago White Sox from 1985 to 2000 and managed the team between 2004 and 2011—winning the 2005 World Series along the way. Guillen retired from Major League Baseball after a brief stint managing the Miami Marlins and went on to serve as a television analyst.

I love touring houses on the internet. It’s practically a pastime of mine in some small circles, one of which being this internet blog:

Some would say I have a taste for the finer things in life like hand crafted Italian marble staircases and imported far east asian tapestries. Others would argue that I’m a little rough around the edges but overall Not A Bad Guy.

Regardless of my qualifications and whether you like it or not, I’m the tour guide around here. This is my helicopter. These are my microphones. And this is my specialty.

Let’s begin.

The Seller: Ozzie Guillen. World Class Guy’s Guy and probably not someone you want to haggle with in the long-term. Fair and honest, Ozzie isn’t looking to fleece us as buyers. But at the same time don’t be surprised if you find him lounging in the movie theatre months after the sale closes. It’s hard to explain but he has a pretty loose understanding of common law property rights. So good luck with that.

The Buyer: Us. Big Swinging Dicks/Tits At Cracker Factories.

The Neighborhood: Bucktown and or Wicker Park depending on how old you are and how bad you’re trying to get laid. Home to several hipsters, book stores, neighborhood bars and boutique anything. It’s a polarizing place meaning you’re bound to have an opinion and it’s likely pretty strong. Mine is that it’s a fun place to day drink, excellent place for date night, horrible place to live. Here’s why:

Hipsters fucking suck at customer service.

End rant.

Curb Appeal:

Not shabby. Narrow lot. Half block north of North Ave so that’s kind of cool. The house looks to be progressively more inviting starting at the top and working our way down, whatever the fuck that means. And I have a certain appreciation for the mixture of nature light on the 2nd floor and the shaded front-patio on the first floor. Seems like you have plenty of options for those Perfect Summer Days!

So fun.

Living Space

The first floor is mostly for utility purposes: garage, work/study area etc. The real action starts on 2 though and you’ll need this uber modern and minimal staircase to get there. Pay special attention to the wood blending from staircase to floor. That’s not an accident.

This informal living space is noted for its simplicity without incorporating a television. Instead it forces you to focus on the broad street views and horrendous furniture.

Decor blows, but the connectivity to the kitchen in back is an A+

We’re working front to back now on the second level. Immediately then you’ll notice the staircase covers both the front and back of the house. No surprise – Ozzie Guillen likes a switch hitter.

Kitchen

I’m not cumming all over the place but I do like that the kitchen is built into a more social Family Room environment. Although again we could do without the furniture but it’s not a deal breaker. Just really bad taste.

From a functional standpoint, I think the cabinets would be difficult to open but maybe that’s on purpose. Like you got to really want to open that cabinet to get some food, which could help manage relentless snacking if that’s a problem for you like me.

If you turn around, you’ll notice one of my favorite parts of the house:

A 2nd floor roof deck complete with a massive built in grill

Steaks and beers with the boys?

Coming right up!

Imagine all the bullshitting and grab ass and what not you can do out here.

Let’s go upstairs:

Now we’re really getting laid. The 3rd floor is exclusively dedicated to very average bedrooms and these bad ass hang out spots, again for the boys.

Classic Ozzie.

I feel like I should have made mojitos or something for the roof deck. I’m so unprepared. Whatever. The putting surface isn’t very level but neither is Augusta so limit your complaints. And again for the 3rd and final time, not a huge fan of the furniture. But pound for pound, you can see yourself up here relaxing with babes and vape pens and that’s what it’s all about.

Movie Theatre Carpet