AFTP- Cinco de Mayo Late Edition

Large5/06/2019 1:01 AM

As Cinco de Mayo slowly comes to a close, and we all start to cozy up on the couch to watch yet another disappointing episode of Game of Thrones with our traditional Mexican delicacies (like the Gordita Crunchwrap Supreme) firmly in hand…

… I thought I would give both my loyal readers a reminder of the greatest Mexican delicacy of all time.

Salma Hayek.

I mentioned in today’s boxing recap that I believe Salma is the sexiest Mexican that has ever lived, and it wasn’t until I started to do a little digging into this little wet-minx did I realize my statement was only half true.

Even though Hayek was born in Mexico, her mother is actually of Spanish descent while her father is Lebanese. The name “Salma” is actually Lebanese for “not Mexican“.

— Reminds me of an old and terrible joke: When does a Mexican turn into a Spaniard?… When he starts dating your daughter. —

Mexican… Spanish… Lebanese… Whatever mix ultimately went into this sexy mutt, I certainly approve.

As a matter of fact, I appreciate the cut of her jib so much, I am ready to officially make her my first Mexican Ass From The Past, but ONLY IF she agrees to take her top off one last time.

Jesus!… I have never had such an easy time finding sexy GIFs before.

Mrs. Hayek is a 52-year-old mother of one and she’s been married to French BILLIONAIRE, Francois-Henri Pinault, for over a decade.

A couple of years into their marriage, Francois was named in a paternity case. It revealed Pinault was the father of supermodel Linda Evangelista’s son, Augustin James, who was born prior to Hayek and Pinault’s engagement.

Here’s Linda…

Salma was originally upset at the revelation that her husband had a love child with a supermodel, but she was soon reminded that Francois was a BILLIONAIRE, and then all her troubles just seemed to float away.

She has held up extraordinarily well over the years as you can see in this 20-year comparison…

Or from this GIF from the 2015 stinker, Everly…

Either way, it is undeniable that Salma Hayek has performed at a very high level for a very long time, and on this most sacred of Mexican holidays, I am mucho proud to make her the latest AFTP.