(SPOILERS) Let's Talk About EVERYTHING That Happened In 'Avengers: Endgame'
WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ASPECT OF ‘AVENGERS: ENDGAME’. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ASPECT OF ‘AVENGERS: ENDGAME’. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
It’s been something like 36 hours since credits first rolled on the opening night screenings of ‘Avengers: Endgame’.
Twenty-two films spread out across ten-plus years, and they all led that that moment…arguably the most important moment in cinematic history, when considering the size and scale of these movies, which makes them the most popular franchise the world has ever seen. Over a dozen characters’ arcs had to be wrapped up by then – some that spanned the entire decade the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been around for – and everyone wanted to see what we felt was a satisfying conclusion to our favorite heroes’ stories – a nearly impossible feat to pull off. The target that writers Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely, producer Kevin Feige, and directors the Russo Brothers had to hit here was astronomically small, just as it was for 2018’s ‘Infinity War’, and the question on every single nerd’s mind for the past year has been: “Can they stick the landing?”
I couldn’t be happier to report back, that yes, they stuck the landing.
‘Avengers: Endgame’ is legitimately a masterpiece. It’s better than I ever could’ve imagined it being. It’s the greatest, most fitting conclusion I could possibly dream up for the ‘Infinity Saga’, and after two viewings on back-to-back nights, all I want to do is return to the theater for more.
Honestly, as you all saw…
…this movie hit me on an emotional level I didn’t even know was possible. Yeah, I cry all the time. Real often. Just about any movie or television show could make these pussy eyes o’ mine well up with tears. I’ve NEVER cried like that at a movie, though. I mean…I could barely get up from my seat when the flick ended! It was a bit of a scene.
It seems the whole internet is now pulling another one of their classic turns on me over this, and hey – it was a fun few months while it lasted, but I always knew the ol’ wheel would come back around. Been a while since the tough guys of Twitter/Reddit have been able to pick on the Barstool nerd, ESPECIALLY for being passionate about the shit that makes me happy!
I don’t regret crying a single one of those tears though, honestly, because as I stated on Thursday morning, these silly flicks genuinely mean the world to me. They’ve been there for me for the past decade, through thick and thin, to make bad times good, and to make good times better. They provide escapism at its finest for myself and millions of others. Putting it simply: I grew up with these characters, and they grew up with me, so saying goodbye to some of them was really difficult, made more difficult by the fact that those we lost in this film were given the most beautiful send-offs I could ever ask for.
So let’s start talking about it a little more in-depth, shall we?
Well actually, first, here’s my new, updated rankings of the Marvel Cinematic Universe flicks…
1. Avengers: Infinity War
2. Avengers: Endgame
3. Captain America: Civil War
4. Guardians of the Galaxy
5. The Avengers
6. Iron Man
7. Captain America: Winter Soldier
8. Thor: Ragnarok
9. Spider-Man: Homecoming
10. Black Panther
11. Captain America: The First Avenger
12. Captain Marvel
13. Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2
14. Ant-Man and the Wasp
15. Doctor Strange
16. Ant-Man
17. Thor: The Dark World
18. Iron Man 2
19. Avengers: Age of Ultron
20. The Incredible Hulk
21. Iron Man 3
22. Thor
I’ve shifted a lot of the shit at the bottom since the last time I shared these rankings, which you may have noticed, and ‘Endgame’ jumped right up to #2 behind ‘Infinity War’.
Upon my first watch, I definitely thought that’s where it belonged, and on a second, I thought it could even steal that #1 spot, but it just feels right at #2 right now, so there it will remain for the time being. My rankings shift all the time, though, so who knows – maybe one day it will be #1. Both flicks are absolutely phenomenal masterpieces in my eyes.
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Alright…NOW let’s start talkin’ SPOILERS!
I’m just gonna hit on some bullet points here, for the sake of time, and if you’d like to hear me speak a little more on any of ‘em, tune in to MY MOM’S BASEMENT on Monday, where Clem and I will give you the most detailed breakdown of ‘Avengers: Endgame’ you could ever imagine.
-Opening with the death of Hawkeye’s family, and having it done the way it was, just in silence like that, reeeaaally set the tone for ‘Endgame’ early. It was basically Marvel staring through the screen at its audience and screaming, “THIS SHIT IS GON’ BE DARK! IT’S GON’ BE HEEEAVY! GET OUT NOW IF YOU CAN’T TAKE IT!”. My theaters gasped both times I saw his family fade.
-As we suspected, this served as a cold open!
-Loved seeing Tony and Nebula pallin’ around on the Guardians’ ship, playing paper football and whatnot. Worked as perfect foreshadowing for Stark flicking Ant-Man towards his younger self later on in the movie, too! Oh, and do kids still play paper football, you think? That shit was COMPETITIVE at lunch when I was in middle school, as I’m sure it was for everybody reading this right now, but do you think the game lives on? I feel like it probably died when smartphones came around. Maybe there’s a paper football app or some shit.
-Tony’s message to Pepper, albeit shown a ton in trailers and promotional material leading up to this movie, was emotional as hell. First moment that really brought on the waterworks from me.
-I was initially confused about Captain Marvel’s rescue of Tony and Nebula, expecting to see the post-credits meet-up she had with the others at Avengers HQ IN this movie, but I kinda love that we didn’t now. I think it’s cool that the post-credits scene in her flick bridged the gap for us.
-Tony immediately saying ‘I lost the kid.” to Steve Rogers upon his return to Earth fucking wrecked me, as did the entire next scene where he screamed at Cap and called him a liar. Felt like I was watching my parents fight or some shit there, and it was made harder by this flick’s awesome CGI team, who made Robert Downey Jr. appear so damn ravenous and weak that you just wanted to scream “LAY DOWN! YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF!” at the screen.
-The Avengers start gearing up to run back the battle with Thanos thanks to Captain Marvel and Nebula, and I’m thinking, “FUUUUUUCK, this is going to go SO POORLY for them! They’re fucked!”. I honestly thought we were about to see our first major deaths of the movie here, and I was…kinda right? I mean…mothafuckas ran up on this Shrek lookin’ head ass and sliced his god damn head off. Like ten minutes into the flick. I was stunned. Jaw hit the floor. Poop hit the pants.
-I loved seeing the absolute domination they had over him while he was weakened from almost killing himself to destroy the stones two days prior. I just hate that asshole so much. Fuck you, Grimace!!!
-Now, we skip forward five years, and see Cap running a support group like the amazing guy he is, and director Joe Russo makes a cameo! Loved to see that, and on opening night, in an IMAX full of hardcores, he got a huuuuuge pop from the crowd!
-All of the other remaining Avengers are still doing their best to fight for what’s right, led by Black Widow now, and uh, Captain Marvel got a haircut! She’s got the classic comic book for the character hair now, which I LOVE. I think Brie Larson pulls it off so well. She reveals here that she’s fighting for a billion different planets or some shit so we won’t see her for a “long time”, pretty much just being like “I’m gonna let this movie be about the original six Avengers, and when it’s almost over, I’ll make my grand entrance.”. I’ll allow it. We also learn here that Hawkeye is just savagely murdering gangs and cartels which I fucking love.
-Thanks to a fucking rat who walks on top of the Quantum Realm truck’s control panel, Ant-Man returns, being thrown out of that piece of garbage in a storage unit (and Ken Jeong works there!), completely confused as to what the hell is happening. He’s been in there for what felt like five hours, but was actually five years. After seeing his name on a San Francisco memorial for the “Vanishing”, and reuniting with his daughter in what felt like one of those soldier-coming-home videos, Scott Lang presents the idea of time travel to Steve and Natasha, and we’re off and running towards the plot of this flick!
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-Hey, how about the MASSIVE FUCKING BOMB DROP that is: DAD TONY STARK?! They gave homeboy a daughter, and the cutest daughter I’ve ever seen at that! Not fair, Marvel! Not fair! He tells Steve, Scott, and Natasha that he doesn’t wanna attempt time travel because of her, and Pepper, stating he’s got his second chance and doesn’t wanna risk them, but in typical Tony Stark fashion, immediately gets to work on time travel, and figures it out in one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie. He just falls back into his chair, and goes, “SHIT!”, which is then repeated by his little girl, and they have what is just the most adorable back and forth ever.
-While they believe Tony’s just sitting around with his thumb up his ass, the trio enlists Bruce Banner to help them out, who’s now PROFESSOR HULK – a combination of both Banner and Hulk. His introduction is my favorite comedic scene in the whole movie, without a doubt. Mark Ruffalo was just so god damn perfect here, taking pictures with little kids, the whole exchange with Ant-Man over wanting a picture or not with the kids – hysterical.
-They run some tests on Ant-Man while Pepper tells Tony to give this crazy plan a shot, and the next thing you know, Stark is at Avengers HQ giving Steve Rogers his shield back. First time he’s held that bad boy since ‘Civil War’! CHILLS.
-Hulk and Rocket traveling to New Asgard on the back of a truck was hilarious, as was Lebowski Thor, who’s a fat drunk guy now. Most importantly here, though, WE GOT THE RETURN OF KORG!!! Korg is my favorite side-character in any of these flicks – I wanted a scene with him so badly in ‘Endgame’ – and this one was fucking perfect. Just playin’ Fortnite, drinking beers, chillin’. Every time he opened his mouth I laughed out loud, as I did in ‘Ragnarok’. God, he’s the best. Gonna need him in that Hawaiian shirt as a Funko POP ASAP.
-Natasha goes after Hawkeye in attempt to enlist him for the team, but gets RONIN instead. There’s an amazing samurai fight in this scene and it’s being vastly overlooked in my opinion. It’s mostly a one-shot on the rainy streets of Tokyo, and it’s UNREAL cool. We learn that Clint’s motivation behind killing these fuckers is that, well, obviously, his family died. And they didn’t. So he’s like, “Fuck that.”
-Once they’ve got the whole squad back together, they start talking about how they’re gonna travel back in time and collect all of the stones before Thanos got them, and Hulk explains the version of time travel we’ll be working with here in ‘Endgame’ VERY quickly, and very confusingly on one watch, but I’ll try my best to explain it here because I’ve gotten a ton of questions about it.
Basically, the Butterfly Effect does not exist like we know it in this movie. When the Avengers go back in time, it doesn’t fuck with their current timeline at all. It instead opens a new reality or “alternate universe” where it fucks with the timeline of their past selves. Their plan, however, is to go back, retrieve all of the Stones, use them to undo the Snap, and then return the Stones to where they got them afterwards, as to not fuck with their past selves too much. Fuck, that was confusing too, wasn’t it? I don’t know man. Go see the flick again. It was all cleared up for me on the second go-around. It does make sense, though.
-The Avengers split up into three teams here, and the second act of the movie begins. One of my absolute favorite aspects of ‘Endgame’ is actually how segmented the acts are. In the first hour, we see the death of Thanos, the fallout of the snap, the plan to undo it comes together, and the Avengers are reunited. In the second hour, we get a straight up heist flick that strolls down memory lane, and in the third hour, we get the battle of a lifetime. It’s so brilliantly put together, and makes the flick fly by.
-Seeing the Battle of New York again was so friggin’ cool, and watching the Hulk try to blend in killed me. I believe this is the first time we see Iron Man’s new suit in this movie, as well, and it’s FIRE FLAMES CITY! He’s got the golden arms/legs for the first time on the big screen, paying tribute to his O.G. comic book aesthetic. Tremendous stuff.
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-So much shit happens here: Captain America has another elevator scene, where he trolls the ever-living shit out of Crossbones/Hydra – instantly one of my favorite MCU moments ever – and fights HIMSELF…Iron Man and Ant-Man fuck up and allow Loki to get away with the Tesseract (setting up his Disney+ show)…and Hulk is able to convince the Ancient One to give over the Time Stone. Jeff D Lowe mentioned this to me in the theater, so he may have said this on a pod somewhere, but she says Strange was in the midst of performing surgery like twenty blocks from Bleeker Street? No chance, lady. Battle of New York is happening. He’s probably not in surgery right then and there.
-Since Tony’s fuck up leaves them without a Space Stone, he and Cap travel back to 1970 where we get to see the man Stan Lee! I got a lump in my throat for that cameo, man! He would’ve been so proud of this movie.
-While all of that shit is going on, we’re introduced to 2014 Gamora/Nebula (or re-introduced, I guess), and more importantly…2014 Thanos, who is TERRIFYING. Thanos felt waaaaay scarier in this movie than he did in ‘Infinity War’ to me, and I don’t know if that’s just because I knew what he was capable of or what, but watching him watch his own head get sliced off via Nebula’s projector-eye just about made me throw up knowing how pissed he’d be when he realized what the Avengers were up to. He’s younger, he’s more impulsive, he’s more unpredictable, and he’s just straight up horrifying in ‘Endgame’. Seriously.
-War Machine returns with the Power Stone but without Nebula because of her whole eyeball malfunction, and Thanos gets ahold of her at this point, and you really get a grasp on the fact that shit is about to hit the fan because evil Nebula from the past sends herself to the future in disguise as non-evil Nebula.
-Thor and Rocket went back to 2013 Asgard, where the Reality Stone was in ‘Thor: The Dark World’, and we see Natalie Portman’s return to the MCU! Never thought I’d see the day! Also never thought ‘The Dark World’ would ever be referenced again in canon, let alone be as important as it was in this story, but I’m all for it! I think that’s a ridiculously underrated and unfairly shit on movie.
-Thor’s conversation with his mother was equal parts heartwarming and heartbreaking, knowing her fate, but watching Thor get closure with her after all of these years was really nice. When Mjolnir wooshes back into his hand following that convo…boner city. I will say, though, it was about here where I was like, “Okay, I really can’t believe we’re doing Fat Thor for this entire movie.”
I thought they’d set up an out for that joke in Ant-Man’s original time travel test, where they send time through him, and can bring back previous (or even future) versions of himself. Figured they’d be like, “Hold on Thor, before we bring you on the most dangerous mission ever attempted, let’s get you back to how you were five years ago.” It’s probably my only real gripe with the movie, that he’s just a drunk slob the whole time, especially in that FINAL battle, but hey, it is what it is. Everything else is so great that I don’t really care, and when he gets his lightning makeover, he looks pretty damn cool. Like a chubby viking or some shit.
-Back in 1970, Tony has a conversation with his father that kinda mirrors Thor’s with his mother, but it’s a lot more sentimental and closure-y, which really poured it on for me that this was gonna be the last we see of Tony Stark in this universe. Boy, oh boy did I cry at this. We also got another de-aged Hank Pym which always throws me for a loop. Fucking crazy how they could just do that now. Oh yeah and Peggy was there.
-On Vormir, Clint and Natasha journeyed towards the Soul Stone, encountered Red Skull on the mountain, and we all knew what had to be done next. That doesn’t mean it was any less heartbreaking when it did, and the two basically battled on top of the Soul Cliff to be the one to sacrifice themselves for the fate of the universe. Natasha ultimately wins this battle, which STUNNED me. I thought this was such a clear out for Hawkeye, where you could sorta excuse his serial killing, but nope. Black Widow. Dead. Fucking crazy.
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-So all of The Avengers (minus Natasha and Nebula) return to HQ at this point in real time, and Stark builds an Iron Gauntlet, which is just the coolest shit I’ve ever seen. I feel like I’m reusing adjectives and phrases a ton in his blog, like “perfect, flawless, phenomenal, coolest shit I’ve ever seen, etc”, but that ain’t gonna change. That’s just ‘Endgame’ for ya.
-Hulk snaps everyone back to existence right as Thanos, his Children, and his army are brought into present day, and man, when he fires down at the HQ in the midst of that beautiful moment, it’s one of the biggest “OH FUUUUUCK!” moments this flick has to offer.
-Here’s where the battle begins. In the rubble of what used to be Avengers Headquarters, Iron Man, Captain America, and a freshly braided and costumed Thor go right the fuck after that motherfucker Thanos, and put up a decent fight for a bit, until they’re ultimately overwhelmed and Thor is on the brink of being murdered by The Mad Titan when…
-MJOLNIR FLIES INTO THE HAND OF STEVE FUCKING ROGERS, MY BOY, CAPTAIN AMERICA.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
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I HAVE WANTED TO SEE THIS MOMENT ON THE BIG SCREEN SINCE HE MADE THAT HAMMER BUDGE IN ‘AGE OF ULTRON’ AND THEY DID IT. THEY FUCKING DID IT.
-At this point, I pretty much blacked out, and apparently “jumped on top of my chair”, flailing my arms and limbs all over the place. I just grabbed Jeff D Lowe and Fran and held on for dear life for the next thirty seconds. Couldn’t fathom what my eyes were seeing. Captain America was kicking the ever-living shit out of Thanos with Mjolnir. They actually fucking did it. I still can’t believe it.
-Thanos overwhelms Steve eventually, breaking his shield in half, and they somehow outdo the Mjolnir moment when Cap gets up, stands across from The Mad Titan and his entire army, ready to fight (and this is the coolest visual of the whole flick), and hears a little crackling in his ear…”On your left.”
-Portals open all across the battlefield, revealing each and every Avenger and Guardian of the Galaxy who perished in the Snap arriving, and finally, after ten-plus years, the words were finally said: “Avengers…assemble.”. This was undoubtedly the greatest moment in cinematic history, and arguably the greatest moment of my life. I think I came, cried, shit, pissed, and puked simultaneously.
-Everyone then runs into battle together, and there’s this shot that looks like it was pulled straight from a splash page in the comics. It’s a shot so gorgeous I would get it framed and hung up on my wall right now if I could. It’s…pretty much a visual representation of what all of this has led to, and is making me well up just thinking about it right now.
-Now, the battle is flawless. It’s perfect. It’s the coolest, most extraordinary battle I’ve ever seen. I have no idea how the Battle of Winterfell tomorrow could possibly live up to this. There’s countless moments, from Pepper showing up as Rescue and going back to back with Tony, to Peter Parker and Tony reuniting, to Captain Marvel’s arrival (WAY LATE CAROL, WAY LATE), to Star-Lord and Gamora reuniting, to Cap and Thor swapping weapons, to Scarlett Witch fucking Thanos up, to all of the women of the MCU teaming up – that are just straight up nerdgasms. It was fucking unbelievable.
-Thanos obtains the Gauntlet after a while, even though it cost him almost his entire army (as he made his ship fire toward the battlefield while he was in danger), and comes so god damn close to snapping again I shit myself again. Total poop turtling out of the butthole moment. Captain Marvel holds him back though, until she gets wrecked by a Power Stone fueled punch, and that’s when it happens. That’s when Doctor Strange looks up at Tony Stark, and signals that they are in the one in fourteen million scenario.
-Tony Stark fights Thanos for the Gauntlet, seemingly loosing the battle, as Thanos is able to snap, but there’s nothing more than the clink of metal when he does so. Stark’s got the Stones. He delivers one last line. One final…”I am Iron Man.” He then snaps Thanos, and his army, away, killing himself in the process.
-Iron Man’s death scene was pretty much the hardest thing I’ve ever watched! Feel confident saying that! From Rhodey crying, to Peter Parker trembling, repeating, “We won, Mr. Stark…we won.”, to Pepper telling Tony that they’d all be alright, and that he could finally rest…man. That was some heavy shit.
-RIP my dog TONEY STARK
-‘Endgame’ then concludes with Tony Stark’s funeral, narrated by a message he left his family in the case of an “untimely death” right before embarking on this mission, and having to watch his three, maybe four year old daughter watch that absolutely melted me. I’m a Captain America guy, you know me, but this cemented in my mind that Tony Stark had the greatest character arc in the history of movies for my money. From the most selfish man in the universe, to the most selfless man in the universe. Jeez.
-Kid from Iron Man 3 was at the funeral. Nice callback, I guess, but from what I’ve seen, everyone’s just confused about it. Oh well!
-Happy Hogan and lil Stark talking about cheeseburgers wasn’t fair. Fuck whoever wrote that scene.
-Thor giving up his position to Valkyrie and joining the Guardians for GotG3, or possibly just “ASGARDIANS of the GALAXY”, is so awesome. Basically a post-credits scene as well, as it teases what’s to come. I can’t wait to see more of he and Quill’s interactions, and am praying for some more Korg!
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-Finally, we see the end of the Steve Rogers story. He goes on a mission to return the Stones back to where they stole them from in time, and although he says he’ll return in just five seconds, Bucky Barnes knew better. Steve returns an old man, having lived the life he always yearned for. After returning the Stones to their rightful whereabouts and closing the alternate universes they opened, Steve went back to the 40’s to live with Peggy, and the final shot of the film is him finally getting that dance.
-He passes on the shield to Falcon, making him the new Captain America, and I can’t wait for THAT Disney+ show now! Flying Cap?! Red, white, and blue wings?! Count me the fuck in.
-I’m not sure how Captain America aged, or how that worked at all, but I don’t really care. I guess in my headcanon he finds Hank Pym or somebody and gets them to reverse the effects of the Super Serum so that he could. And yeah, this sorta means he stood by and watched while Bucky got brainwashed and Shield fell, and all of that, but I guess he had to. I mean, give the guy a break! He deserves a happy ending after all he’s done for the universe!
…and I guess that’s it. That’s pretty much the whole god damn movie.
Again, if you’d like to LISTEN to me talk ‘Endgame’, SUBSCRIBE to MY MOM’S BASEMENT where Clem and I will break the entire thing down on Monday. Thanks for making it this far into the blog, and thanks for being there on this journey with me, if ya were!
What a film.