I'm Excited To Leave For Talladega Tomorrow But Afraid Of Weirding Out My Boss And The Part Where I Wrestle In BBQ Sauce
After an amazing time in Daytona, Barstool is teaming up with NASCAR yet again for this weekend’s Geico 500 in Talladega, AL.
At 2.66 miles around the Talladega Superspeedway is the longest oval track in the series, making it one of the fastest & most competitive. In fact, twice in its history the lead has changed 88 times during a single race… In the words of El Prez, “bananas” and/or “electric”. Speaking of, he’s excited about it…
…And so am I. But I do have some reservations, er, mainly just one actually.
People will be watching Sunday’s race at the office, and Marty Mush & Brandon Walker will be lap-by-lap betting & doing a live Electric Chair for it at Brandon’s house in Mississippi, but it’s a smaller group actually going this time. That means we’re taking a private jet tomorrow and I have to admit, I’m nervous for my first PJ.
What if there’s turbulence or a loss of cabin pressure? Do I put my mask on first & then look out for Spider or let him fend for himself?
What if I don’t dress up enough, or I overdress? What’s the outfit protocol for one’s first PJ? Can I bring my own champagne & do an influencer photo shoot on there and finally be able to start selling those useless Flat Tummy Teas?
What if I alienate Dave so badly with try-hard jokes & tagged posts that I don’t have a job by the time we land? Much respect to El Prez but I simply don’t interact with him often and we’ve probably only spoken a total of 30 words my entire first year here. Yesterday I thought it would be funny to ask to meet with him to discuss something important, and proceeded to inquire only about what kind of snacks would be on the jet. Zero laughs. Crickets. A visible cringe from his side. Others witnessed it & I wanted to die a little.
Now I’ll be at 30,000 feet with him, Gaz, Spider & some of the lovely sales team. I’m thinking if I bring my signature homemade Rice Krispie squares with MnMs in them or a similar power move of that caliber, they’ll be glad I’m around.
But that’s just pure over-thinking & I need to simply relax and enjoy this trip. In the end, the flight will only be a couple hours but I’ve got all weekend to roam ‘Dega. We’re doing The Big One On The Boulevard on Friday, I’m mixing it up with Sugarlands Moonshine on Saturday morning (I love that this race has an Official Moonshine), living on a bus in the infield until the race on Sunday, & so much more. It’s gonna be a breeze.
Oh, ope. Wait. Nope, just remembered what I was actually worried about. It’s not flying on a private jet. It’s that I am 100% signed up to do this BBQ sauce wrestling thing with dozens of hopped up southern gals even though I haven’t been to a gym in years & my muscles have atrophied. I can already see me getting slammed down with the wind knocked out of me doing that weird, loud, “WHEEEEEEEEEE” sound for the cameras. Can’t wait!
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LFG! If you’re in the area & want to check out the ticket packets click HERE. Either way if you’re going & you see a pasty woman with the wind knocked out of her, stop to say “hi”!