Charles Oakley Says That Jeff Bezos Is Interested In Buying The Knicks (PLEASE GOD Let This Be True)

NY Post- Aspiring chef Charles Oakley just served up some juicy NBA gossip regarding the Knicks. Last week during a pilot The Ringer filmed called “Tough Chef with Charles Oakley,” the former Knicks big man said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is interested in buying the team. “I heard that. Jeff Bezos wants to buy the Knicks,” Oakley told The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Jason Concepcion. “He was going to try Amazon in Long Island, and he went to Virginia. He still (wants) to do some real estate in New York. Why not buy the Garden?

#OAKBOMB!!!

Say it with me Knicks fans: “All hail King Bezos”! I know that being hopelessly and idiotically optimistic about anything involving the Knicks is just part of being a fan of this cursed franchise. A well-made Photoshop of a superstar in a Knicks jersey is the closest thing we feel to joy on a yearly basis. But I am choosing to believe this story for a few reasons.

1. Charles Oakley loves us and would never lie to us. Sure he hates the frumpy asshat in charge of this franchise more than even the most diehard Knicks fan. But I refuse to believe Oak would say something that would get Knicks fans excited if there wasn’t some real truth behind it. Oakley didn’t become the most beloved Knicks player for millions of fans behind the blood, sweat, and tears he left on The Mecca’s hardwood to make something up for a viral story (JK about the tears. Charles Oakley has never cried. Not even as a baby).

2. Bezos is rich. Really fucking rich. So fucking rich. This isn’t new news or anything, but Bezos is the richest man in the world and will still be like a Top 5 richest guy in the world if he loses half of everything he has in his upcoming divorce. He is one of the few people that can write a check for the Knicks without having a find a bunch of investors and if he really wants to show off in front of his new boo boo, he can pay for the Knicks in straight cash homie with the biggest sack of money with a dollar sign in front that the world has ever seen. You think a guy that is about to lose billions upon billions of dollars because he wanted to get divorced gives a fuck about paying a little sports league’s luxury tax?

3. I have said countless times that Jeff Bezos buying the Knicks would be the perfect way to get the New Yorkers opposed to HQ2 on his side and maybe if I keep saying it, I can speak it into existence like LaVar Ball. I know some neighborhoods completely changing due to the influx of new workers pisses people off as well as the inevitable chaos with increased traffic, rent prices, and just people into this packed ass dirty city. But all that seems like a fair trade off to making the Knicks good again. New York is a basketball city at its core. It loves baseball too. But because there are two baseball teams here, no team can unite the city like the Knicks. Can you imagine the transformation the Knicks franchise will undergo if it upgrades from an owner born with a silver spoon in his mouth that bans fans for life and does shit like this in his spare time:

To a guy that will likely be Earth’s first Supreme Ruler after getting his start by building Amazon #brickbybrick and grinding in an office like this 20 years ago:

Getting the most boring, vanilla owner in the world would be a massive upgrade, let alone someone that turned a little online bookstore as print media began to die into a capitalistic powerhouse that bullies people out of the paint like Charles Oakley. If Bezos is truly the supervillain that I believe he is, he knows he has to do something to get an important economic and geographic chess piece like New York City before he begins his takeover of the world. And the easiest way to get this city behind you is to buy the Knicks. Maybe HQ2 ends up back in Queens, maybe HQ3 lands there, or maybe Amazon ends up simply taking over the entire city by being the go-to site to deliver everything you can dream of in a city that runs on people ordering delivery (season ticket holders obviously get a free year of Prime with their tickets). If you can’t see 100 Amazon blimps hovering over the East River and dispersing drones to itch every scratch a New Yorker has, you clearly have no idea what the not-so-distant-future holds for the five boroughs.

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Regardless, I can guarantee Jeff Bezos will be the King of New York if when he saves us from Little Jimmy Dolan’s reign of terror and buys the Knicks.

And in case some Knicks fans still don’t believe in this dream, I’d like to remind you that it is indeed #PhotoshopSZN where we reach for the stars, so if we fall, we land on a cloud (or on Amare Stoudemire’s broken knees).