Next Stop On The 2019 Wrigleyville Scouting Report: Country Club
The Cubs open up at home next Monday which means it’s now socially acceptable to binge drink on a weekday in Wrigleyville provided you’re with “work friends.” Some of us around here call that the best time of the year with even the most indifferent assholes unanimously agreeing that day drinking in Wrigleyville for a Cubs home game is a 10/10 experience.
This week’s report is special because we’re visiting a spot close to my heart. I’ve been running up tabs and getting loaded at Country Club for a long time. And some of you OG Chicago Stoolies should remember this as the bar formerly known as Rebel aka home to the infamous Bears Eagles watch party that ended in a 43 point loss. Ask Big Cat about it. I think 11 people showed up (all dudes) and 5 of them were Cat, me, Eddie, WSD and Chief. I don’t want to get too nostalgic about a C minus sausage fest but it certainly puts things like this in perspective:
Anyways, we’re going back there today for the next installment of the 2019 Wrigleyville Scouting Report series. The goal is to get you primed and prepped for a great season of boozing and hanging out with your friends on Clark Street. You can catch all prior versions here
Old Crow
Irish Oak
Sluggers
Houndstooth
Deuces & Diamonds
Dark Horse Tap & Grille
As always, all grades are on the 20-80 MLB Scouting Scale. Let’s get started:
Overview: Traditional Chicago style bar (long & narrow) with a fantastic and unique menu. What it lacks in size is more than made up for in functionality and use, including but not limited to pristine location:
Bathrooms = 50. I put a lot of stock on the bathroom attendant game and I’m happy to report you’ll never ever find one at Country Club. It’s 3 urinals and 2 shitters. Sounds like a normal bathroom but they get bonus points because it’s a double-wide meaning you can comfortably wait to take a piss up to maybe 7 dudes at once. That’s rare for the area. Another nice feature is that due ton the smaller nature of the bar, you have the lowest number of average strides to the piss house on Clark street. Other bars send you downstairs, outside, etc. Country Club says fuck that and puts it right next to bar. For you below average bladder guys like me this is a big plus, especially after 3+ hours in the bleachers.
Patio = 45*. Asterik becuase they don’t have one. So technically this should be Incomplete or N/A but I’m going to open this category up a bit and give Country Club credit for two key factors: first, they have these massive fucking windows that open up onto Clark street so you basically have an indoor beer garden up against the wall. These tables are primetime. Some of the bet on Clark street.
Second key factor: they have an upstairs that opens up generally for night games and later in the summer when it’s crowded downstairs. If presented with the opportunity, you must go upstairs and sit at the bar. NO ONE will be there for the first few hours. It’s there to take on the overflow from downstairs so if you’re smart enough, you can intentionally put yourself in one of the most spacious and accommodating bars in Wrigley.
Nevertheless, it’s not a true patio so we can’t exceed a 45.
Atmosphere = 60. It’s got the right amount of “Country” to pass as a Wrigleyville bar. The menu has a lot of southern style food and it’s all fucking delicious because the guys behind this place know better. They serve drinks in mason jars and sling an endless variety of tallboys (although I prefer great tasting, less filling Miller Lite). It’s not a try-hard bar like Deuces and you’re much more likely to run into a group of attractive women here than an Irish Oak or a Dark Horse. It’s also definitely not a sloppy bar but at the same time you’ll get sloppy if that makes sense.
On the negative side, I’m generally tired of “Country” themed things and places and there’s no major You Have To See This factor. But that’s all eye wash when you consider the objectives: good food, loads of booze, accessibility, character, etc. That’s why Country Club is going to hit a lot of doubles and get on base at a very high clip while being an average runner and below average fielder. Whatever. You’re here for the offense.
Drink Replenishment = 70. You get a server but the bar is literally 10 feet away from every table.
It’s impossible not to have several full drinks on your table at all times. That and credit to my guy Big Tom who’s always slinging shots and bitching about the Cubs bullpen. Whatever his official job title, I know in practice he basically works triage at the bar like an emergency room nurse managing patient intake. Personal touch goes a long way.
Intangibles = 50. Location location location. Menu. Vibes. Comfortable yet cozy. Awesome staff and a low maintenance patrons. After that, you don’t have the magic I soaked up in at Houndstooth or a Sluggers and guess what. That’s okay. Not every bar needs to hold significance to your grandpa for us to enjoy it.
Overall = 55. An above average every day player that continues to produce for you despite not being an amazing prospect on paper. It’s a gamer. A place that shows up and delivers despite not being the most glamorous or whatever. That has major appeal to me and because these are my scouting reports it should have major appeal to you. Would I have my bachelor party at Country Club? Absolutely not. But when I’m running around with a tight crew, County Club is one of my top spots. Check it out and tell Big Tom that I sent you.
