Teachers Lined Up And Shot Execution-Style With Pellet Guns For Active Shooter "Exercise"

Indy Star- “They told us, ‘This is what happens if you just cower and do nothing,’” said one of the two teachers, both of whom asked IndyStar not to be identified out of concern for their jobs. “They shot all of us across our backs. I was hit four times.

“It hurt so bad.”

Brooks became sheriff in January and said he couldn’t say if or how many times teachers had been shot with it previously. 

“They all knew they could be,” Brooks said. “It’s a shooting exercise.”

—————————

I suppose we have to start here: school shootings aren’t funny, it’s sad we have to train teachers for school shootings, etc. Obviously. Right? Good? HAVE I MADE IT CLEAR THAT I’M NOT MAKING FUN OF SCHOOL SHOOTINGS? Bueno.

What a way to make a point, though. You can’t just tell a group of teachers that cowering and doing nothing will result in their death; you have to show them. But of course, you can’t actually murder teachers to prove your point. There goes your pension. So what do they use? Pellet guns. Safe enough. That’s a good simulation. Burst through the door and start spraying pellets willy-nilly, let the teachers adapt and follow protocol.

Except.

Sheriff Brooks just finished his fourth lap of The Sopranos. If you think he said “this is what happens when you cower and do nothing,” you don’t know Sheriff Brooks. He said “dis is what happens when youse cowah and do nuttin’.” Then he cocked his airsoft gun real slow, quietly muttered “i before e, except after see ya,” and popped the English department in the back, trying to keep his rounds clustered together so the feds would know he’s a pro.

He owned it, too. “It’s a shooting exercise. Whaddya expect?” My kind of sheriff.

“The firsts group went in and we heard them scream and yell,” she said. “We thought, ‘What is going on?’”

The group came back out and whispered a warning to the next group — the officers had told them not to tell their colleagues what had happened — but she still wasn’t expecting what came next.

Snitches get pellets. Imagine being the next group to come in for the “exercise?”

Advertisement

“Don’t go in there. They shoot you.”

“The fuck?”

“NEXT!”

In the end, I disagree with this entire exercise though. We all know that the only thing that can stop a bad sheriff with a pellet gun is a good teacher with a pellet gun. Next time, let’s pack the teachers’ desks with airsoft pistols and let the plastic rain down like hellfire. We’ll see who’s laughing then.