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BREAKING: Jacoby Ellsbury is Alive....FUCK

My God it’s him. He’s alive and in the best shape of his life. Look at him firing that ball in their as he plays a game of catch. I must have clocked that baby at 10 mph and not a drop lower. The rest of the AL East are shaking in their boots. How will they respond? Jacoby Ellsbury is back and ready to wreak havoc on this Earth. Didi hurt, Hicks hurt, Sevy hurt, and now Dellin hurt? Have no fear, Jacobo is here.

I thought for sure this guy was dead or kidnapped. I was certain. Today I was proven wrong.

So what do we think the next injury will be?

A. Plantar Fasciitis re-aggravation
B. Hip flexor strain
C. Fractured veterbrae
D. Strained labia

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Please don’t take up a fucking roster spot. PLEASE.