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A Man Was Arrested For Allegedly Choking Out The Driver Of His Car Because He Wouldn't Stop Singing Christmas Songs

A man is behind bars at the Allegheny County Jail after accusations that he choked another man for singing Christmas songs. It was around 9 a.m. Monday when a state trooper was waved down and told about a possible medical emergency on Route 28 just before the Exit 13 on-ramp, heading south in East Deer Township. When he got to the scene, investigators say the trooper spotted a Chrysler Town and Country minivan parked on the shoulder, and two men on the other side of the guide rail. According to the criminal complaint, the victim told the trooper he was driving the minivan with his passenger, 25-year-old Clayton Lucas. The victim told the trooper Lucas reached around his seat while he was driving and began choking him.

The victim told the trooper he was singing Christmas songs, so the victim said Lucas tried to choke him to make him stop singing.

I like to think of myself as a peaceful man. I have never been in a fight, don’t plan on ever getting into one, and just being in a bar where you feel a fight can potentially break out at any minute makes me feel uncomfortable. However if I was in that car with Clayton Lucas, I would have been throwing punches, doling out a few dick shots and maybe even biting whoever this victim was no matter how dangerous assaulting the driver of your car may be.

Singing Christmas songs outside of Christmas season is just an asshole move. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas music. It’s all I listen to in the car from the day after Thanksgiving until the New Year because it pumps my guts full of joy (I’ll allow Christmas season to begin on November 1st for the Christmas Early Birds that love the fuck out of the holiday season because Thanksgiving isn’t really a festive holiday. However anything before a wonderful day like Halloween is unacceptable). I have Christmas spirit pumping out of every pore of my body during the holiday season. And considering how many pores I have on my giant ass body, that is a shitload of Christmas spirit.

But the thing that makes Christmas special is that everything Christmas-related is contained to that brief period where we trick ourselves into forgetting that its getting colder outside and life is going to suck for the next 5 or so months is by focusing on the wonderful songs, food, and presents that Baby Jesus wants us to enjoy. As you can tell by the shape of my body, the phrase “Too much of a good thing” is true. Once Christmas shit becomes the norm outside of the holidays, then the actual holidays lose their luster. Plus singing about dreaming of a white Christmas in the middle of March is as out of place as a fart in church. As a rule of thumb, if Hershey’s isn’t airing this classic commercial, Christmas Song SZN is over.

That being said, there is one Christmas song that is too great to be contained to that tight 2 month period and should be be played any time of year, regardless of if its while sitting in your living room and staring at your Christmas tree on December 25th or laying on the beach on and staring at the ocean on July 4th. In fact lets play it together right now. Take it away, Mariah!