'Drive Thru Ashes' Is The Church's New Way Of Attempting To Save Time And Souls On Ash Wednesday

METAIRIE, La. — The Wednesday after Mardi Gras is the first day of Lent, and Catholics across the world will observe the day by going to Mass to be blessed with ashes. But one church in Metairie, Louisiana doesn’t require you to go to mass. Instead, you can get your “ashes to go” from the driver’s seat of your car. Starting at 7 a.m. Wednesday, ministers at Munholland United Methodist Church will begin passing out ashes to motorists. All drivers have to do is pull up and roll down their car windows. One of the ministers will then come spend a moment of prayer with them and rub ashes on their head. Munholland United Methodist Church located at 1201 Metairie Rd. is hosting imposition of ashes and prayer until 1 p.m. Wednesday. The church started “Drive Through Ashes” five years ago in 2014. Last year Reverend Annakate Rawles told WWL-TV that the church was completely surprised after 500 cars showed up in its first year. The church then moved the event to its back parking lot after it became so popular that a line of cars blocked the interstate. More than 1000 cars decided to get their ashes through the “Drive Through Ashes” event in 2018, the church says. Rawles said that “Drive Through Ashes” allows the church to connect with people in the community that are uncomfortable about going to church. It is also convenient for those who don’t have an hour to spare on Wednesday to go inside and worship but still want to receive ashes.

Christ approved Drive-By Ashings. Quite possibly the greatest power move by the church since the Inquisition. Spreading the Good Word in the 21st century. It’s nice to cater to people who are “uncomfortable about going to church” but have the Holy Cojones to walk around all day in public with symbolic Roman Catholic ash on their face. Pretty sure it’s also a Sacrament to make everyone know you got Ashed to the face on social media sometime during the day, too. And to think people actually have time to waste on church outside of the already grueling 2.5 hours a year wasted on Christmas Eve and Easter Sunday? So big time move by the churches by going with the quick and easy method to be saved. Because nothing says I worship the almighty by spending more time, thought, and money waiting on some spicy chicken nuggets and a Frosty than in church. Tony Reali gets it.

PS – Lent may be the most BS thing religion has ever conjured up, which is saying a LOT. Yup I’m sure the Almighty is going to really care that Dr. Joe Schmo attempted to give up M&M’s for few weeks and didn’t eat meat on Fridays. Sure thing, God.

PPS – Spot. On.