Bryce Harper Already Confirmed Mike Trout Will Sign In Philly And Other Electrifiable Quotes From His Introductory Press Conference

LOADED. Get ready for a solid next decade of Summers in South Philly, baby! Look, if Bryce is already crossing over leagues and attempting to get LeVeon Bell to “The Greatest City In The World”, ya gotta figure he’s been all over Trout’s sprout from the jump. It’s common sense. And we all love to hear it. Other than that, a solid introductory presser from the new #3.

We’re happy about not facing King Nola anymore.

We spoke about Doc.

We fluffed around with the Phanatic:

Heck, we were even talking puck.

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And, of course, he wants to bring a title back to DC…Wait, what?

Delaware County = DC…right? RIGHT??? Eh, can’t win ‘em all. It’s a force of habit. Whatever. All the dorks are gonna have fun with that flub but we all knew what he meant. Plus he got Broad St. in there, too. Everyone with a brain knows the real deal:

One thing’s for damn sure, Bryce drips pure sex in a #3 Phils jersey. WET.