Have You Seen This Captured Indian Pilot? He's MAJESTIC

I’ve ignored this story because it’s between India and Pakistan and those countries are very far away. They don’t like each other, I know that. But I had no idea what this captured fighter pilot actually did, so I didn’t care. And then I saw his face.

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That’s the best facial hair I’ve ever seen. Look at those connectors. His connectors are thicker than that organic peanut butter new moms buy. Is that moustache standard fare for the Indian air force? I’ve never seen someone wear facial hair that way who wasn’t trying to be funny. And there’s nothing funny about Abhinandan.

Stripes- Varthaman’s plane was hit in the first aerial dogfight between India and Pakistan in nearly 50 years. He was subsequently captured by the Pakistani military in a particularly dramatic development to an already volatile conflict.

In a scene that could have been out of a movie, Varthaman parachuted out of his flaming plane and then asked the gathering crowd where he was. Upon finding out he was in Pakistan, he ran backward, firing his pistol in the air to keep back the angry young locals.

When they got too close, he jumped into a pond and destroyed sensitive documents and maps by swallowing some and soaking others before he was captured.

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He fired his gun to run back across the border? Jumped in a pond when the locals got too close? ATE DOCUMENTS?!! Who the fuck is this Indian John McCain?!??! When you hear all that, the mustache takes on an entirely different identity.

This is obvious but there is no man in India whom women want to bone more than Abhinandan Varthaman. I hope he takes his time. Enjoy it buddy. Make sure to powerwash that mustache after.