LaMelo Ball's Basketball Team Got Into A Bench-Clearing Brawl Last Night And Caused A Fan To Lose His Fucking Mind

Clem2/19/2019 2:31 PM

Say what you want to say about the Ball family. But try to name another high school basketball player that could turn a fan into raving blood-thirsty lunatic with Dave Portnoy’s voice after the Patriots/Seahawks Super Bowl.

You can’t.

Forget moving the needle. The Balls ARE the needle. The Kardashians of the basketball world whether we like it or not. They are the reason I wrote this blog and the reason you clicked it. I actually give LaMelo credit for not getting into that scuffle knowing everybody is there to see him. But Big Ballers don’t get into fights and risk injury. That’s Big Brain Baller shit. TRIPLE B’S FOR LIFE!!!

In non-Ball news, where the fuck was Big Rob Bob during that fight?

I know a 7’7″ kid that weighs less than Young Mantis would get eaten alive by actual athletic high schoolers in a real fight. In fact, I could DEFINITELY see Bob Rob toppling over like the Giant Gingerbread Man in Shrek 2 if those young men brought the fisticuffs to him.

But he could still frighten at least a few kids away from the bench like a scarecrow before order was restored, which would be in about 5 seconds because it was a basketball fight after all and everyone can get held back by one arm. I don’t know if he was not at the game because he was hurt or I just didn’t see him in the frame because the cameraman appeared to be having a seizure as he screamed for Melo to throw hands.

Also I’m not sure when this happened, but it seems like LaVar should think about putting a shoe on his son’s feet that won’t cause his career to end even before LiAngelo’s did.

Yikes.

P.S. I would put this up with the other saddest moments in animated movie history alongside Simba asking Mufasa to wake up, Sully saying goodbye to Boo, and the end of Toy Story 3.