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Adult Man Thinks His Wife Damaged His Action Figure Collection So Naturally He Destroys Entire Home With An Axe

Portrait of a lumberjack holding an axe and pointing

Madison – A man was taken into custody in the Dane County Jail after accusing his wife of damaging his action figures, then took an ax to damage the house, according to the Madison Police Chief Mike Koval’s blog.

The call came in at 10:03 p.m. to the west side of Madison for a domestic disturbance between a 46-year-old woman and her 34-year-old husband.

The husband called 911 on himself after using a log-splitting ax to destroy a TV, TV stand, laptop computer and several items in the house. The man then went outside and smashed the family car, chopped off both side mirrors and then struck the windshield so hard the ax got stuck. He said he drank too much and overreacted after he thought his wife had damaged some of his prized property, which were action figures.

Here’s the thing. You don’t just randomly get to this point in life to where you decide to go on a rampage in your own home with an axe, destroying everything in your path. My guess is that this dude has been begging his wife for years now to stay away from his action figures, and my guess is that this dude’s wife has been begging him for years to get rid of his action figures. A tale as old as time.

It makes sense. Being a full-grown adult and still collecting action figures is…well… it’s a little on the strange side. So I can understand why the wife would want that shit out of the house, or at least in a spot where nobody else can see them. That’s what sucks about living with somebody else. You think this stuff is awesome and deserves to be displayed in the living room for all to see, and then your old lady thinks it’s all a bunch of shit and tells you to move it to the “man cave” which is just code for “as far the fuck away from here as possible”.

But again, my guess is that these action figures have been a focal point of arguments between these two for a while. And all of a sudden, buddy over here comes home after a big day of drinking with his other action figure collecting buddies, notices that something is a little fucky with his action figures, and then he snaps. “Snaps” might be a little bit of an understatement there considering he fucked up everything in his home with an axe and then once he was done ruining the inside of the house, he decided to chop away at their car. But he snaps nevertheless. Because like Dale Doback telling Brennan to not touch his drum set, this guy probably told his wife time and again to not touch his action figures. “They’re not toys, they’re an investment”“They were mint condition!!”. “These are going to be worth millions one day”. Shit like that. And then he turns his back for one second and his wife touches the damn action figures and he sees red.

So what’s the moral of the story here?

Don’t be a 34-year-old man who still collects action figures. Sell them. It’ll be a whole lot easier to just sell them right now than it will be to end up being like this guy and destroying your entire home with an axe because you think your wife damaged them.

P.S. – Dude probably loves axe throwing bars. Would seem to be 2/3 of his favorite things in one location.

@BarstoolJordie