Jusuf Nurkic Is Going To Beat Russell Westbrook Like A Drum

It’s getting to be that time of year where the buddy-buddyness of the NBA starts to wane and everyone gets really fucking sick of each other’s faces. This feels just about the same time as last year when Aaron Afflalo swung wildly on Nemanja Bjelica and was promptly placed in a headlock. Earlier tonight we saw Devin Booker and Gorgui Dieng go at it. Over the weekend Marcus Smart tried to fight an entire team. And, shockingly, over the weekend THE Russell Westbrook was involved in a tiff with THE Joel Embiid. I’m still surprised two quiet guys like that could have possibly been involved in a dust up of any sort, but it happened.

Tonight, Russ found himself going toe to toe with a somehow larger human being than Joel Embiid. I don’t know if Jusuf Nurkic is technically physically larger than Embiid. But I do know Jusuf Nurkic has a 7-foot, 400-lb Bosnian police officer of a father.

The Nurkic clan does not seem like the one to fuck with. I’d rather be in Enes Kanter’s situation and have the entire Turkish government after me than Papa and Jusuf Nurkic on my bad side. Feels much easier to elude Hedo Turkoglu’s V for Vendetta ass face than two seven foot Bosnians.

Then again, I am not Russell Westbrook. Russell Westbrook does not know pain. He has never feared death. He is a human version of a coked up Sonic the Hedgehog constantly bashing into spikes, losing his coins, and spinning uncontrollably into whatever may lay in his wake. So tonight, after getting his shot blocked by Nurkic, they exchanged a series of maniacal laughs – as if two super villains were trying to one up the other. Later, Westbrook used his finesse and power to get to the rim and finish over Nurkic. Naturally, he flexed and yelled in Jusuf’s grillmix. Hard screens were set along the way prompting Westbrook to be asked about their altercations postgame.

Clown! Gasp! Egads! Surely Nurkic will take well to this light hearted ribbing.

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Westbrick! Brilliant! It’s like Westbrook but he’s shooting at a historically poor percentage given his usage! Fucking roasted!

But no seriously, Russell Westbrook might’ve finally found the wrong one. I realize he is not of this world and very likely unkillable but Jusuf Nurkic certainly seems like the type who is willing to find out.