Using Your Metrocard To Eat Guac On The Subway Is As Savage As It Gets

I’ve been on the New York City Subway beat for Barstool for years. I have blogged about homeless people fucking, rats crawling in people’s mouths, and motherfuckers shaving their faces. But I don’t think I have ever seen a more rotten move in the devil’s dungeon than this girl using her Metrocard as a scoop to eat guac. I get that it’s the New Year, so many of us are still New Me until the Super Bowl or McDonald’s Monopoly destroy out diet. Getting all those good fats from the guac without any of the carbs that come with chips is clean, healthy eating. However, eating any kind of food in the musty subway air comprised of rat hairs, the bubonic plague, and 15% human skin is unhealthy enough.

But to suck down guac off of a Metrocard is more unhealthy than eating like me your entire life. Use your finger, your tongue, or I don’t know the FREE FUCKING FORKS AT CHIPOTLE to scoop that glorious guacamole in your mouth. This girl paid extra for the guac, so it’s not like we are dealing with a Poor. I get that guacamole is fucking awesome and you don’t want it to just sit out and turn that weird dark green. But scooping it with a card made for the subway and swiped in countless machines full of bacteria and germs scientists haven’t even discovered yet is completely vile. The only other reasons I can think this girl did this is she wanted those gross out Instagram Likes that the pro pimple popper crowd happily gives out to videos like this or she wanted to morph into the Rat Queen so she could rule the underbelly of New York City with this silly son of a bitch, at least until the Ninja Turtles foil their plans.