Mets Fans Rejoice, You Have A Chance To Win A Lunch With Jeff Wilpon!
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Jeff Wilpon, Mets owner, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here…with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is!
I know there is no chance I will win this drawing with a real life Grinch because the Wilpons are gutless. Sure they wined and dined (and maybe 69’d) Portnoy and his boy toy Frankie Borelli to glowing reviews last season. But I can’t imagine Jeff Wilpon has the nerve to host Mets fans like myself, KFC, or Frank The Tank to a lunch as we ask why questions like why does he runs the Mets like a middle market team, why do they pocket David Wright’s insurance money instead of re-investing it in the team, or why haven’t the Wilpons haven’t sold the Mets yet if Bernie Madoff truly ruined them financially? I mean there are two franchise-altering free agents available right now when the Mets are dying for one last difference-making bat and they haven’t met with either of them let alone been mentioned as anything if not the longest of longshots. It’s almost as crazy as someone in the Mets thinking this contest prize was a good idea.
That being said, I’m not that all upset that I will probably not win this lunch with Jeff Wilpon because there is no doubt in my mind he will pull the ol’ “oops, I forgot my wallet” as he pats around his body at the end of every lunch and the “lucky winners” will be stuck paying the bill every single time. Because as we know, there is no such thing as a free lunch in life unless you are the owner of the New York Mets and Major League Baseball lets you continue to cheap out simply because you and your dad got your dicks swindled off a decade ago.