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High Rollers: What Dangerous Item Was Smuggled Into JFK Airport & What Does It Have To Do With Gambling

Today I learned that a group of finches is called a ‘charm’, but there was nothing lucky about what happened to these small feathered friends. If you’re anything like me & found yourself wondering “who the hell smuggles birds & why” (while hunched over your laptop eating Christmas cookies from a ziplock bag in your pajamas), read on.

From Gothamist:

The finch smuggler brought in this haul on a flight from Georgetown, Guyana, on December 8th. The suspect netted each captive inside its own individual roller, secured with electrical tape to ensure the birds couldn’t escape in a conspicuous flap. To judge by photos distributed by the CBP, our avian travelers did not enjoy this mode of transportation very much, some clawing at the holes in their rollers as if hoping to jailbreak themselves.

Besides it being awful to cram these ‘lil creatures into mini cylinders for a long, terrifying journey, there’s concerns for human repercussions, too. Bringing them into the country like this could actually be pretty costly & dangerous.

In addition to animal cruelty, this secret avian haul raises concerns over disease transmission. The CBP pointed to a 2015 bird flu outbreak (Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza) that reportedly “resulted in the culling of 50 million commercial turkeys and chickens, and $850 million in damages.”

International criminal activity, animals in hair curlers, risk for horrible disease… all of these things are intriguing but it’s the final part of this story, the “why tho”, that really surprised me. I work with degenerate gamblers every day & didn’t see it coming…

CBP (Customs & Border Patrol) spokesperson Anthony Bucci said the thwarted bird smuggler is a Guyanese citizen, and that “he was not admitted into the United States and was sent back to his home country.”

Bucci told Gothamist that some people like to gamble on the birds, betting on how many chirps they’ll chirp in a minute. The NY Times has previously reported on these “speed singing contests,” which pit finch against finch in a high-stakes competition to see who can sing 50 songs fastest. Competitors can be worth anywhere from $500 to $10,000, according to the Times, and considering the lucrative nature of the trade, illegal bird busts are not exactly a rarity for JFK customs agents.

According to the Times, finches have been found “zipped into suitcase linings, sometimes stuffed in toilet paper rolls, or tucked inside socks, pantyhose, or specially tailored pants.”

Bird chirp gambling. The next big thing. Huh. I looked into it & basically guys walk around town with their bird in a cage until they find another guy with a bird in a cage & then they post the cages up & stare intently at them while they count chirps in a heated competition. After several videos I still had zero clue how they actually keep track of this & how they can catch cheating if they’re both paying attention to their own birds. You can watch a video of it HERE.

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All in all it’s a sorry state of affairs. We got drug-smuggling birds & humans smuggling birds, we got no food, no jobs, OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF! It’s just crazy. People will really do anything for a buck these days.