Find Someone Who Loves You As Much As This Columbia University Douche Loves White People

I don’t know how blackout you’d have to be to shout this shit with a crowd of people filming you on their phones. Dude. You are ending your life with this speech. Knock knock! Anybody home? Waaaaaaaake up buddy! Turn off the auto-pilot and take control of the wheel again, because your brain is in FREEFALL. Hoooooly shit what a nightmare.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first time this dickhead has ever been drunk. He’s been burying that shit deep down in his subconscious. You’d have to believe that somebody would have called him on it if he’d ever offered these thoughts before. So my guess is that this was his big moment of truth, even though it’s been eating at him. All it took was one little dorm pre-game where he finally let his hair down and had an extra cup of the jungle juice that was sitting near the radiator in an igloo cooler, and boom. That shit ate through some protective lining in his liver that was keeping all these thoughts locked away, and Pandora’s Box was opened.

It’s ok to like white people. But you’re not supposed to start listing their accomplishments like you’re advocating for their place in Cooperstown. “529 home runs! 6 gold gloves! Invented science and industry!” Buddy…

Tough couple weeks for Columbia, huh? They can’t seem to find the right side of political correctness. Last week, they cut Nimesh Patel’s mic when he made a joke about race; this week, they swung the pendulum allllll the way back and unleashed this kid like some cartoon Kraken of white promotion. Maybe they’ll find their center soon. Let’s hope, or else the Ivy League might have to kick them out.