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I Don't Think I've Ever Seen A Human Being Bleed As Much As Blood As UFC Welterweight Alex Oliveira Just Bled

Gunnar Nelson just made his long awaited return to the octagon at UFC 231 against Alex “Cowboy” Oliveira, annnnnd uh…he made a horror movie out of it!

After facing some adversity caused mostly by an egregious, shameful fence grab in the first, Gunni recovered with a late heel hook attempt, and then in the second, opened Oliveira up with a hellbow from full mount, causing a pretty much immediate stop to the contest, cause, well…duh. When a human being pours blood out of their face like a god damn fire hydrant it’s probably time to stop fighting.

It’s times like these I see the late, great, John McCain’s point about this sport being barbaric human cockfighting. It’s also times like these I rip my shirt off and flex til’ I pass out, because THIS IS THE MOTHAFUCKIN’ UFC, WHERE THE BIG BOYS PLAY, AND I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THE VIOLENCE!!!

Congrats to Gunni on the win, and congrats to the best coach in the world, John Kavanagh, on a fantastic night for his fighters! Sláinte!

P.S. Special shoutout to Dallas Braden and his wife for that fucking hysterical reactionary Twitter vid.