Adam Thielen's Wife Got Mad At Me For Being Mad At Adam Thielen For Being Mad At Bill Belichick

So as I blogged yesterday Adam Thielen had a problem with Bill Belichick challenging a play. A thing most level headed human beings get mad at every single day. Apparently some Patriots players might have been faking injuries to give the coaching staff a little more time to decide whether or not they wanted to challenge it? Whatever. Either way, Billy Boy promptly told him to shut the fuck up and that instantly got me riled up. When my leader is on the offensive, that’s when the troops get in line and push forward. So I sent out what I felt to be a relatively harmless tweet.

I couldn’t even begin to tell you the amount of tweets of similar ilk I’ve published in my day on the world wide web. Billions? Hundreds of trillions? Impossible to estimate, but when I sent that it never once crossed my mind that I had gone too far. Mostly because it felt SUPER obvious that it was a joke. Anyone who is anyone knows I only bloodlust for playoff rivals and pecan pie. A meaningless game against the middling Vikings? Hardly the grounds for a true bloodlust. Mrs. Thielen did not see it that way.

Someone a few years ago said that Twitter should have a sarcasm font and I hope that person won a Nobel Peace Prize or something because they’re a thousand percent correct. Because there are some people out there who see the phrase “unquenchable bloodlust” and start boarding up their windows in fear that the Mick Man is en route to pull off some sort of Krampus style holiday bludgeoning. Hey lady, do you know how far Minnesota is via train? Get real.

Had this tweet been in like Comic Sans like a Dan Gilbert letter or some shit everyone who stinks at laughing would have known this was undeniably a joke and this all could have been avoided. It also all could have been avoided if Adam had taken her advice to #BeKind and not yelled at my pal Bill Belichick. But I suppose that’s neither here nor there.

What I would like to say is that I respect anyone who searches out their husband’s name after he got so thoroughly dominated on the field of play and quote tweets it to 16,000 cornfed midwesterners who feel like their opinions matter. Like this guy:

Or this guy

Or this…

Alright hold on wait a gosh darn minute. Adam Thielen may be a better human being than me, more attractive, more wealthy, have all his teeth, be in better shape, have someone who “loves” him, but why do we have to get personal and drag me into this? That seems very rude and uncalled for, madam. There’s a line and you crossed it and now my feelings have been smashed to bits. I hope you can live with yourself, you bully.