Apparently I Don't Understand How Dicks Work

On yesterday’s Hi Haters! I talked about a blog regarding the acting Attorney General & the shady patent company he’s involved with that bilked people out of millions. Among the oddest in a very strange list of patents they touted was a “Masculine Toilet” whose extended bowl ensured your enormous dong ‘n balls don’t take a dunk.

Right away we started getting calls from guys who claimed this is actually a problem for them. Like by the time the show ended there was still a list of callers on the line waiting to share their own issues with it. Trying to be helpful I asked why they couldn’t just go with my simple solution:

It’s not like I’ve never seen *dude stuff (*PENISES/TESTICLES) before but I had no idea guys pee when they poop. In fact, a couple of the ladies here asked around & all of us were shocked that’s a thing. I guess I’ve just never really thought about guys going #2 (which makes me feel pretty good about myself & sort of normal for once).

According to ScoopWhoop(?):

There are many muscles, voluntary and involuntary, that control the passing of our bodily wastes. Both the urethra and the anus have internal and external sphincters to moderate this passing.

1) I’m a grown-ass woman & could not read that sentence out loud with a straight face for the life of me.

2) Ah, so basically some involuntary muscle action means if you sling it over your leg, you’re gonna have a bad time. And a wet leg.

3) Apparently the average size is

…so do most of these guys just have very small toilets?

And if not, for all the calls we got I have to wonder if this is more of a problem for guys than I thought, and if so, uh…

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