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What A 'Masculine Toilet' That Won't Let Your Dick Dangle In The Water Has To Do With Our Interim Attorney General

Following the firing of Jeff Sessions last week President Trump selected Matthew Whitaker to serve as interim attorney general.

Quick refresher: The AG is the head of the Justice Department; the chief legal officer of the United States – the “People’s Lawyer” – for all citizens. With Whitaker that could be a *slight* problem because it seems like he may be more about gettin’ that bread than looking out for “the people”…

His involvement with the very shady ‘World Patent Marketing’ has put him in serious hot toilet water. From Vanity Fair:

In November 2014 . . . World Patent Marketing, announced the “marketing launch” of a “MASCULINE TOILET,” which boasted a specially designed bowl to help “well-endowed men” avoid unwanted contact with porcelain or water. “The average male genitalia is between 5” and 6.”” the firm’s press release said. “However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that.”

The special toilet was not the firm’s only notable offering. It marketed a slew of oddball inventions, including a “theoretical time travel commodity tied directly to price of Bitcoin.” Called Time Travel X and marketed as “a technology, an investment vehicle and a community of users,” the cryptocurrency never materialized. The firm also pitched Sasquatch dolls, promoting them with a video claiming that “DNA evidence collected in 2013 proves that Bigfoot does exist.”

An investigation by the Federal Trade Commission found that ‘World Patent Marketing’ promised investors patenting and promotional assistance but in reality “provided almost no service in return”. Who doesn’t love a good invention-promotion scam? Among the claims – Threatening customers, hawking time-travel crypto (what does that even mean?), and conning customers out of millions.

In response:

Whitaker has denied knowledge of the firm’s alleged fraud… But public records show he had substantial involvement with the company and its aggressive response to disgruntled customers and critics of its questionable practices. Whitaker joined the firm’s advisory board a month after it was attacked on a website called ripoffreport.com, which posts consumer complaints. In a report on the site, a writer claimed to have duped the firm into offering to help him get a patent for a fake idea: a fried chicken and waffle sandwich. “You cannot make a patent on a sandwich, yet they approved it,” the person wrote.

Whitaker’s also been in trouble for dipping out on contractors in Iowa so this guy sounds perfect for politics if you ask me. And all this craziness aside I have to admit I’d still like to see this Big Dick Energy Toilet and try the chicken & waffle sandwich.