In Honor Of Chad Kelly Getting Cut, Let's Revisit His Love Story With Mia Khalifa

Kayce Smith10/24/2018 6:03 PM

Well folks, Chad Kelly has officially taken another L. He’s been cut from the Denver Broncos after being arrested. Don’t you just love when tweets like the one above are timeless??

As Keith pointed out yesterday, it’s another bad look for our boy Swag Kelly. The guy just can’t stay out of trouble. Never has, probably never will. His entire career has been overshadowed by clown move after clown move.

Sure, it’s no secret that he’s done a ton of dumb shit. But nothing – and I mean nothing – will ever overshadow the public draggings he took when he was just trying to have sex with Mia Khalifa.

Porn is full so many different story lines (that’s why everybody watches, right?). Their own personal love story being played out right in front of our eyes in the privacy of our own homes. So in honor of Swag getting the boot out of Denver, let’s play homage to his own personal Romeo + Juliet type romance with one of the most famous (former) porn stars in the world.

For visual reference:

Act 1: Shoot your shot

Act 2: Persistence is key

Act 3: Get ~~an offer you can’t refuse~~ absolutely bodied

(By the way, this is still the most savage letters of all time. It’s fucking fantastic. Porn Hob = GOAT.)

Act 4: Get reminded that your shot got blocked Dikembe Mutombo style when you’re not invited to the NFL combine.

Act 5: Stop, Stop He’s Already Dead – NFL Draft edition

I mean WHAT A LOVE STORY! Quite the game of cat and mouse, if you ask me.

Now Mia’s black widow curse lives on and has gotten Chad cut from an NFL team. What plot twists could be next? Maybe another step mom cameo?!

For real though, it truly amazes me when celebrities slide into anybody’s DMs and don’t expect to get put on blast. There’s nothing wrong with sliding in DMs. But, like, what the fuck do you think is going to happen when you hit on a porn star?? What are the chances you DON’T get aired out? Less than 15%? We’ve seen it time and time again. Guy tries to get laid. Guy gets flamed publicly. Even King James isn’t immune.

(PSA: I’m not saying you SHOULDN’T slide in DMs. We all have. Hell, I’ve been on a good date or two from it. What I’m saying is, don’t be surprised if it gets out there. Especially without ANY self awareness. Still looking at you, Chad.)

I guess it would be tough to be a famous guy with all the power at your Twitter finger tips though. I’d probably shamelessly slide into some DMs too. But if my shot got blocked, I’d just move on to the next smoke show. There are a ton out there. Mia isn’t the end all, be all. But hey, call me crazy. Maybe Swag Kelly just doesn’t care how much of a clown he looks like? He’s definitely proven that time and time again.

Fellas – Be like Ju Smith-Schuster. He saw the self-proclaimed ‘Black Widow’ coming for him and ran the other way in a hurry. I could be wrong, but I don’t think he’s getting cut from the Steelers any time soon.