Barstool’s Champions League Preview – The “Holy Schnikes What A Day!” edition
Sam’s Safe Space For Soccer Stoolies
Hi Haters™,
Guys! GUYS (and ladies – maybe)! Today is going to be an incredible day of games even if it possibly ends with me lying in a ditch drunk off well tequila and sobbing my Europa-headed balls off. But more on that in a moment. For now I am legally obligated to remind you that Barstool was silly enough to green light a soccer podcast so I would really appreciate it if you subscribed and listened… though I would settle for just subscribing and pretending to listen.
Now without further ado, for those who prefer their words written and not spoken, let’s take a quick peek at the GLOOOOOOOOOORIOUS set of games on deck today.
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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
Scores from the first half of Matchday #3 (played yesterday):
Interim group tables as they stand right now:
And today’s slate of games:
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PICKS OF THE WEEK
PSV [+250]
Tottenham [+100]
Draw [+265]
As a general statement, you can mess around and drop some points a couple times in Champions League and still usually have a shot at finishing in one of the two top slots that advance from every group. However, those clubs that did so in both of their first games are now officially skydiving without a backup parachute. Which brings us to PSV hosting Spurs, a game involving teams that have amassed a grand combined total of ZERO points so far. Not good, fam, not good at all. So long story short this is what we call a Champions League eliminator, with the loser being forced to hope it can at least “win” third place in the group and be parachuted into Europa. Yikes.
The big question for Tottenham is – as it always is these days – fitness. Christian Eriksen is back, which is a HUGE plus, but the team is still without Dele Alli and Jan Vertonghen. PSV come in playing well having outscored their last five Dutch opponents 19-0. Not bad. Both teams will have to go for it because a draw would feel like a loss since they are already six points back of Inter and Barca…. making a 1-1 draw leaving absolutely nobody happy almost inevitable at this point.
Me in a couple hours, probably
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PSG [-230]
Napoli [+530]
Draw [+360]
United/Juventus was the game that got all the attention and yet we all knew it was not going to be pretty. This game, on the other hand, is gonna be sexy as hell and would be well worth the price of admission (to stream…. somewhere)
Both teams like to get up and down and if you like goals you are unlikely to be disappointed. Napoli is not given much of a chance by the bookies, which is understandable given the waves of talent that PSG can throw at you, but as Liverpool showed a few weeks ago the Frenchies can be exposed by a team willing to come out and punch them in the mouth… so I’d definitely give Napoli at least puncher’s chance. In the end though, though to pick against Neymar/Mbappe/Cavani. PSG to win 3-2.
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Additional picks (to increase the odds I eventually get one right) going in order from most to least interesting:
• Barcelona vs Inter – BREAKING: Messi’s arm.
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So apparently he is human? Huh, who knew! Thankfully for the Catalans they still have a TON of weapons but their Achilles heel is on defense. Unfortunately for Inter, I am not sure they have enough firepower to exploit Barca’s weakness. Mauro Icardi has been carrying the load offensively but the Italians have only scored 13 goals in nine games domestically – not great, Bob! Barrrrrrrthelona to win 2-0.
• Dortmund vs Atletico – two VERY different styles. BVB like to push the pace while Atletico – especially away from home – will no doubt try to do what Diego Simeone always does and strangle the life out of things. In this sort of game, even with the Babyjesus-like abilities of Pulisic, I can’t help lean towards the REALPOLITIK-style that Atleti brings to the table in this sort of bright lights, big stage, Champions League game… so I will go against my heart and with Atleti win 1-0.
• Liverpool vs Red Star Belgrade – so funny story about the Serbians: someone tied to the club apparently bet 5 million euros that they would lose to PSG by five goals a few weeks ago… and wouldn’t you know it, the final score was 6-1. Crazy. No way that looks shady. So point being there is no telling whether Red Star will actually try to win and it probably doesn’t matter anyway because the Reds at Anfield – even with some injury concerns – should be too much for them to deal with. Liverpool to win 3-1.
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So there we have it, boys and girls. Back with another Sam’s Army episode and weekend preview blog on Friday, and just a heads up there might be a little soccer shindig going down in NYC this weekend…….. more on that in a bit once things comes together. Ciao bellas!
Holler,
Samuel Army