Remember the Time Tom Brady Had a Beer Thrown at Him and Confronted the Entire Stadium?

So is everybody satisfied now? The 21-year-old who splashed a dollar’s worth of beer in Tyreek Hill’s general direction is going to face Justice’s terrible, swift sword. He’ll get charged with disorderly conduct. Probably plea out. Have to pay $150 in court costs. Maybe have to stay off the booze for a while if the judge is a real ballbuster. And maybe be forced to write a letter of apology to Hill. (Although I’d say about half the district court judges I used to work with believed such letters were bullshit because how can you apologize sincerely when you’re beeing compelled to by a court? I agree.) So now we’re all set. People can sleep peaceably tonight because the Foxboro Splasher has been captured and brought to justice. Our long, national nightmare is over.

My only question is, is this the new normal now? I have less than no sympathy for The Lone Beerman. I’m just just saying that every time someone launches a beverage in the direction of players or coaches, we’re getting the law involved, right? And it’s making national headlines? I ask this because like I mentioned yesterday, Craig Kimbrel almost got hit leaving the bullpen in Yankee Stadium, and there was barely a word said. David Andrews took a full cup right in the face in Pittsburgh last year and it was hardly noticed. I’m just wondering if this standard is going to be applied across the board now.

You might be crossing your arms accusatorily and saying “Sure, Jer. What would you say if someone threw beer at your Golden God, Tom Brady? Hmmm? Hmmm? How do you think he’d react?” Funny you should mention it. Because that exact thing happened. And we have the video. The low def, 4:3 aspect video from the Monday Night game of October 30, 2006:

First of all, thanks to @ftbeard_17 for posting this. I have absolutely no memory of this play, even though I was writing Knee Jerk Reactions for Barstool as far back as then. In fairness to me, that was a lot of wins ago. Also since then, I developed a taste for brown liquors, so there ya go. But anyway, this was Brady’s reaction to not just having some liquid refreshment splooshed at him, but seeing himself and his teammates almost done bodily harm by a flying bottle.

Frame 12: Ben Watson scored to make it 16-0:

Frame 24: 16 ounces of sudsy death come flying out of the stands:

Frame 32: The shots narrowly miss Brady and his receivers. Back … and to the left. Back … and to the left:

Frame 54: Brady waves his arm, gesturing to the assassin to “Bring it on!”:

Frame 73: A high-resolution capture of the moment Brady confronts 80,000 Minnesotans, scaring the shit out of them and forcing them to back down.

Like I said, I’d completely forgotten about this. Because it was no big deal. Even though it was a solid weapon and someone could’ve lost an eye. We all collectively did the hands up-shrug, said “Good thing it missed” and the Pats got on with the business of winning the AFC East. There were no national headlines. No criminal prosecution. Just a gladiator staring down the crowd yelling “Are you not entertained?” as everyone moved on with their lives.

Again, I don’t want special treatment for anyone tossing liquid out of the end of a bottle at Gillette, because you should not do that. Should. Not. Do. That. All I ask is that he gets treated like everyone else.