Tyreek Hill Wants the Beer Splasher Prosecuted
Let me be perfectly clear. That Patriots fan should not have splashed beer in the direction of Tyreek Hill. Should. Not. Have. Splashed. Beer. Delicious beer is for enjoying, not for spraying in the direction of others. I want there to be no misrepresenting my position on this issue. Your right to fling booze ends where someone else’s face begins. Over my long career in public service, I’ve been very consistent that point. In fact, I created the slogan “Use Your Words. Or Your Middle Fingers.” Even when a wideout gets in your face and starts taunting. Especially when a wideout gets in your face and starts taunting. That is the time for restraint. They go low, we go high. At a moment like that, you need to go total Gandhi. Passive resistance. Wait. Bide your time. And believe in the end you’ll have those same seats in the AFC championship game when you can point to the scoreboard because revenge is a dish best served cold. In the cold of late January.
To repeat: Should. Not. Have. Splashed. Beer. When you do, you set back the cause because everyone in the country sits and waits for the opportunity to prove all Massholes are out of control pieces of shit. And they are not passing up this chance. The beer tosser is still trending on Twitter. It’s gone beyond the sportsosphere into the straight news sites. It’s confirmation bias on swole because they’re believing what they want to believe. That the stands at a Boston sporting event are basically The Purge. (They should’ve seen the games I went to at Schaefer Stadium when I was a kid. They were medieval. Even the stadium was named after the worst beer ever brewed. But that’s a discussion for another day.)
That said, what the holy hell are we doing here? Drew Rosenhaus calling for the cops to get involved? Prosecution? Are we expected to throw this Masshole in prison for the dollar’s worth of beer that came out of his bottle? The Patriots already banned him for life, which is a punishment worse than anything the criminal justice system could ever do to a person. But Hill and and his legal team and most of social media want a bigger pound of flesh.
Fine. If you want to play that game, go right ahead. I’ll play. Let’s do it. But you’re going to have to start by building some prisons because you’ll be needing a lot more cells.
Like one for this guy from last week:
And let’s not forget this one from last December:
Advertisement
To the best of my knowledge, neither of those assassins were ever brought to justice. I don’t remember the internet blowing up with metric ass-tons of faux outrage about how Yankee Stadium and Heinz are full of violent sociopaths. And nobody, but nobody blamed the head coach/manager of either team because something similar fucking happened 27 fucking years ago:
As I recall, outside of New Englanders getting pissed off and putting together “You stay classy” memes, the world just shrugged. Then it was “Hey, there’s jerks in every crowd whatareyagonnado” and we moved on with our lives. But this is a chance to indict all of Masshole culture and no punishment is too draconian. Swell. Let’s do this thing. But let’s do it for everyone in every stadium, ballpark and arena. Which is never going to happen and they know it.
And if they do prosecute this Masshole, what does he get? Because Tyreek Hill, the tragic victim of this heinous ounce-of-beer assault, got three years of probation and his record expunged for doing this:
Hill’s girlfriend told police she is eight weeks pregnant with Hill’s child and was concerned about the health of the child due to Hill allegedly punching her in the stomach.
The woman also told police she began dating Hill in June and that he had a “volatile temper”. She said he thought it was OK to punch and shake her. She also told police he had been violent with her before. …
The victim, whose name wasn’t released, told police Hill hit her in the face and stomach and choked her. She was treated and released from the hospital.
Hill was contacted at his home around 11 p.m. and arrested “based on probable cause for Domestic Abuse by Strangulation.”
Since I haven’t mentioned it enough, this guy should not have thrown beer. Should. Not. Have. But if it’s justice people want, then based on what Hill got, the Beer Splasher’s probation should last three seconds.