MMBM: Let's All Take Some Time This Columbus Day To Enjoy Some Great Sports As The Indians And Redskins Fight For Their Survival
Happy Columbus Day- a holday named after a city in Ohio because Christopher also made a mistake in notifying his superors and then had to issue numberous statements clarifying his previous statements about why he told reporters one thing but then ended up doing a different thing by finding Amerca instead of a passage to india. And what better way to honor all the accomplishments of Christopher Columbus then to have bigtime games with the Indians and the Redskins, two historicaly weird franchises that have dealt admirably with the persecution and bigotry of those who accuse them of being persecuting and bigoted.
Columbus spent two months on a boat to come over which sounds like Odell Beckhams offseason but it wasnt all fun in games. He had three ships the nina the pinta and the santa maria packed with as many people as could fit so that when they landed they could have more friends to introduce the native people to. Nowdays we honor his trip to America with a holiday that only teachers get off so they have less time to teach about American History. Instead we get drunk and watch sports and make terrble episodes of the Sopranos in his honor.
The imporatnt thing is Adrian Peterson and the Redskins have a revenge game against the Saints- whose entire city is located blow sea-level in a tribute to all the sick people Columbus threw overboard. Fun fact about Columbus- he had a crew member who spotted the New World before he did and then Columbus came in and took credit for it like when Bill Parcells signed Tony Romo but then Jerry Jones made him his specal little boy toy. And you know what brough Columbus and his sailboats to the new world in the first place- thats right- a little Brees.
What a guy Im telling you. Cant say enough about Drew Brees’ character. Dont beleve me? Well check out this nice little news dump from Peter King
Once, when I worked for the HBO “Inside the NFL” show, I went to New Orleans to do a Brees feature. We got wired for a walk-and-talk interview in Audubon Park, and as we walked his dog, the dog took a massive dump that Brees insisted he pick up himself.
Can you beleve that? Drew Brees picks up his dogs poop instead of violating city ordinences that he shouldnt have to follow because he’s famous. This is a guy who knows how to handle his shit. Say what you want about Brees but when Peyton Manning saw a illicit load from a lab he made his wife pick it up.
Road Grader Of The Week: Jason Garrett
Jason Garret decided to punt the ball on 4th and 1 from around midfeild in overtime by saying “it was a long yard” which is asboultely true. Not all yards are created equal and in a case like this you have to measure from the base. In Texas you have to take on the added weight that if you set foot on another mans yard there legally within their rights to shoot you and when you see a Texan whose literaly named “Mercyless” on the other side of the ball its better safe then sorry.
10 Things I Know I Know
1. Aaron Judge is a candyass for not playing football at his size. Hes basicaly the Lebron James of baseball and will allways be thought of first as a coward who was to afraid to play a real sport with a higher risk for injury without guarenteed contracts. Thats all I need to know to understand that a player dosen’t have true confidence in themselves.
2. Cam Newtons fashion choices continue to ditsract from his teams victorys.
Cam alternates his outfits between “old man who gets bareley dressed just so he can go go outside and get the paper” and “supervillan who’s kryptonite is socks” in his postgame press conferences and there harder to decipher then his instagram posts.
3. Went to go see a interesting movie on Friday called “Free Solo” about some lunatic rock climber who decided to free solo climb El Capitan in Yosemite. El Capitan is a giant slab of granite thats like 3000 feet tall but enough about Miles Garrett. Free soloing is climbing a rock without any sort of harness or rope and its probly the most insane thing a person can do besides root for the Dolphins. Folks I havent seen one man take on a rock that big since Michael Irvin. Free Soloing is like playing for Alabama football- you have a detaled process in your mind for every little step and eventualy you look down and you defeated everyone by using cheap little holds all along the way.
4. I cant keep track of all the new rules adjustments that are being made week to week. How come players get penalized for not moving their weight but Sam Hurd got sent to jail for moving his?
5. The Rally possum is back in Cleveland and the Browns are 2-0 on days it shows up
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It got me thinking do opossums have the clutch gene? Im not so sure, Real football animals dont have pouches they use long cut. Plus possums only come out at night I think sharks are the real football animal since they have to keep working out or else they die. They literaly never leave the facilty. As far as I can tell all possums do is cross inconvenient roads and hiss at you when you get to close there like
6. Mason Crosby failed to convert on all 5 of his kicks yetersday and blamed it on a anomaly in life. You know who else had five Misses thats right Larry King.
7. Were coming up on the one year vanniversary of BVT on ESPN2 and me and Big Cat and Hank are doing a live event next Wendesday night at the Gramercy theatre. Tickets are on sale today and we hope youll join us for a enlightening fstival of ideas.
8. I cant beleve this websites free
If having a beard is all it take’s to get your own twitter parity account how come Aaron Rogers dosen’t have one folks? Oh wait
?Gunnery Seargent McCarthy said “only two things come out of wisconsin with holes in it- cheese and knees and I dont see any swiss around here son.”
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That aint it Chief.
Also if Ryan Tannehill was a captain in the civil war they would of just kept switching him around to diffrent jobs until he found one that he wasnt terrble at. Defnitely not a spy because Lance Corporal Michael Johnson would of just intercepted all his messages.
Disspointed there’s not one for Matty Ice because Private Ryan would of been a great account for someone who needs to get sent home because hes got a bunch of brothers out there who are getting killed.
By the way, pretending your serving and taking credit for other selfless acomplishments is nothing to joke about so if I were General Andrew Luck I woud be mad as hell at all these other guys stealing my valor. But the rib-ticklers are too funny, the storys too whimsical, the writing dare I say Faulkneresque.
9. Peter Gammons with a alltime take quake:
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Coudnt help but be disgusted by legions of Yankee fans who with there loud booing are making fun of Ron Artests sexual assault by a ghost. Stick to having less problmatic stadium music like the Gary Glitter song.
10. Antonio Brown siad his and Big Bens connection is like Wifi- sometimes its there sometimes its not. Id say its more like dial up because only one person at a time can connect with him and your mom shoud yell at you if you spend too much time with him.
11. Speaking of Cowboys who quit on there team too early, Jason Witten gave a interview with the Washington Post today were he talks about talking about football. As we’ve all notived, Booger and Witten are allready engaged in a silent battle for who gets to stand in a warm booth drinking red wine with Joe Tessitore and who has to ride the snot rocket on the sidelines in the soon-to-be freezing cold. Well the importent thing is none of these guys have egos
First off, there can’t be any egos or the whole group is going to fail. Those guys have been in the business a long time so there’s getting used to it. But the big thing is no egos. We agree and disagree, but it’s enjoyable because there’s no egos.
Did he mention that no one has a ego, because theres defnitely not egos. Hmm. Methinkis the lady doth protest too much.