Who The HELL Is This 7-Foot Tall Texan Who Is DOMINATING The Australian Football League?

“Ohhhh it’s getting bigger and better!”

“What has Collinwood unleashed here?”

“This is the stuff of legend!”

“We’re seeing the future of the game, perhaps!”

I have no idea what sport this guy is playing. Not a clue. It seems to be a derivative of 500, where you throw a ball into the air and yell and number and a bunch of morons have to try to catch it. Remember that game? Sometimes the thrower would yell “surprise box!” and then when you caught it, they’d say “lose all your points” simply because they didn’t like you. Or if their friend caught it, they’d say “it was a 500 box!” and the whole thing devolved into a popularity contest that I never won even though I was so much more athletic than all those fucking cunts. Wish I could get an update on where all those kids are now. Probably reading this blog during a break from washing dishes at the Muddy Rudder in Freeport, Maine. Hope your flip phone is waterproof, you dick! If you were a guy in 3rd grade at Waynflete school in Maine in 1997, I hated you then and I hate you now. Never forget.

Doesn’t matter. The point is, Mason Cox is the most electric athlete in Australia right now. Apparently he played basketball at OSU as a walk-on in 2013? Then he decided to take his talents to Australia, where he discovered a sport that combines elements of 500, handball, rugby, and maybe 30 other sports. Where being 7-feet tall with a 7-foot vertical is helpful. I watched a few highlights and while I couldn’t come close to explaining the rules, I do know that there are about a billion people at that stadium, and they’re all losing their minds over Mason Cox. He had the crowd chanting USA. Seems like really good PR for our country. Good man, Mason!

His teammates seem to love him:

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His parents seem to love him:

And the announcers are CUMMING themselves over this guy. Goddamn, Joe Buck take note! This is how you turn an athlete into a God. Now excuse me as I go back to forgetting this sport exists entirely.