Angry Pastor Goes On Rant Saying Kids Are Gonna Burn In Hell For Playing Youth Football Instead Of Going To Church

Deep breaths, big guy. Deep breaths. It’s gonna be okay. Nothing is serious enough to the point where you gotta start damning kids to H E double hockey sticks. God and football aren’t usually two things that square off. Those things have gone hand in hand ever since football became a thing. God and football go together like cocaine and waffles. You got to church on Sunday and then you plop on the couch and watch 16 hours of pig skin. It’s as American as apple pie. Angry pastor clearly has never been to Texas. Angry pastor saying cheerleaders are prostitutes was LOL funny. He’s had that one ready to rip for some time now. He’s had that ready to go ever since Susie Cheerleader dunked on him back when he was in high school.

Angry pastor needs to come to the realization that football is more interesting than church. That’s what it boils down to. Church stinks. You ever been? It stinks. Lots of humming and standing up and sitting down and standing up and sitting down. It’s awful. Football games though? Football games fucking rock. There’s big plays, big hits, stadium food and prostitute cheerleaders. It’s the best. The worst football game is better than the best non-black church service. Black church services look like they’re about as fun as a football game. Other than that, though, football > church every time. Deal with it, Angry Pastor.