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Elon Musk Threatens To Take His Ball And Go Home By Saying He Might Take Tesla Private

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Bloomberg- Seemingly out of the blue, Elon Musk proclaimed that he might pull his money-losing Tesla Inc. off the market. Taking the electric-car company private at the price he touted would amount to an $82 billion valuation, a monumental sum that left many investors wondering: Is this a joke? It wasn’t. Musk, the enfant terrible of Tesla and SpaceX, has defied the odds before. But Tuesday’s gambit — unleashed in tweet after tweet over the next 2 hours and 40 minutes — opened a new chapter in one of the most tempestuous business stories of our time. Even fans seemed unsure whether Musk could pull this off — or, if he does, where that will leave Tesla. Only a week ago, the company with a seemingly unshakable base of firm believers and equally fierce legion of detractors recorded another huge loss after burning through hundreds of millions of dollars. 

“The reason for doing this is all about creating the environment for Tesla to operate best,” Musk, 47, wrote Tuesday in an email to employees. He said wild swings in the carmaker’s stock price are a “major distraction” to Tesla workers, who are all shareholders. And he said that being public “puts enormous pressure on Tesla to make decisions that may be right for a given quarter, but not necessarily right for the long-term.”

So this all happened yesterday and, to my credit, I admitted I had no idea what was happening or what it meant cause I know nothing about stocks or how they work. Literally nothing. I was an English major in college cause yuck numbers! But, again to my credit, I’ve read half of two articles on the situation so now I fully understand it. To sum it up, Elon Musk threatened to take his ball and go home by taking Tesla’s stock private. What pussssssssssssssssssy.

Read that part above in bold again. He calls the stock price a “major distraction” to Tesla’s worker and it’s shareholders and that it puts major pressure on the company to make good decisions. Uhhhhhhh yeah dude that’s how stocks and companies work. I may not know much about this stuff but I do know that whether or not a stock is performing well dictates the decisions that get made. Elon Musk is basically upset that people are mean to him on the internet for being a terrible CEO who’s running his company into the ground. So he wants to take it private so we can’t see how terrible his company’s doing. He’s sick and tired of people picking him apart with truth instead of adhering to his warped billionaire reality. This is like when someone gets #FedUp on Twitter and makes their account private except that’s free and taking Tesla private would cost like 70 billion dollars.

By the way, I bet it doesn’t happen. Why? Cause nothing Elon Musk says ever happens. He said that the funding’s already been secured but that feels like his biggest lie yet. Elon’s just frustrated and wanted throw a temper tantrum on Twitter dot com and cause a stink. Mission accomplished I guess?