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Bangor, Maine is Quickly Being Destroyed by Squirrels

SourceBob Kelly knows he’ll never trap all the squirrels in Bangor, but that’s not stopping him from live-trapping and relocating every one of the rodents he can from the city’s Tree Streets neighborhood where they seem especially numerous this summer.

“It’s awful,” Kelly said Monday afternoon. “We [own] property in two different areas and both are infested with squirrels.”

According to the squirrel experts, there is no single reason for the population explosion around Kelly’s neighborhood. …

Squirrels are capable of causing quite a bit of damage, according to Don Levine, licensed animal damage control trapper with Professional Wildlife Removal in Bangor. …

“The biggest danger from squirrels is the damage and destruction they can cause to your home,” Levine said. “They can get inside the walls or in the attic and tear apart your insulation, urinate, leave their droppings, and chew on your wiring.”

Squirrels chewing on building electrical wire have been responsible for structure fires and other problems around the country, Levine said. In Maine, wire-chewing squirrels were the prime suspects in an electrical fire that destroyed a building and tools at a woodworking shop in Dedham in 2013.

Last week a squirrel also caused major commuter headaches when it damaged a protective device in a Brewer power station, cutting power to 3,000 Emera Maine customers and knocking out several Brewer traffic lights.

What the actual eff, Bangor? Where’s the Maine I used to know? What happened that you’ll just sit there and let these little nutrats destroy your way of life like this?

When I was a kid, we used to pile into the Thornton family Country Squire with the faux wood paneling on the side to vacation with my aunt and uncle up in garden spots like Strong and Farmington. The people we met were good, decent, red-blooded ‘Mericans who would no sooner  let these tree rodents infest their land than they would’ve let the Russians take over.

Seriously, how to you just take this lying down? Have you all gone soft on us? It’s not like these bushy, wire-eating, gnawing little fire hazards are an endangered species. Shoot every last one of them and leave their corpses for the crows and I promise you we won’t run out. I’ve had these buggers in my attic and they not only wake you up with their scratching and clawing, they’ll die in your walls and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it until they’re done decomposing. Fucking grossest thing in the world. Believe me, there should be a bounty on their tiny little heads.

So what’s issue? Are you not killing them and stacking their bodies everywhere because they’re cute? Because they have bushy tails and look adorable when they water ski? Is it like that Hans Lander speech in Inglorious Basterds? “Rats were the cause of the bubonic plague, but that’s some time ago. I propose to you any disease a rat could spread, a squirrel could equally carry. Would you agree? Yet, I assume you don’t share the same animosity with squirrels that you do with rats, do you?” I guess it must be. Because the Mainiacs I used to know were Country Strong. They would’ve broken out the BB guns and held a Squirrel Cook Off down to the county fairgrounds and turned it into a win/win. But I guess that time has long since past. And it’s a sad day for those once proud people.